Alpha Mail: the case of the reluctant spinster

PS writes on behalf of a female relative:

I wonder if you'd do a post on a conundrum I have, to get your take and the readers input. I'm sure other women have this predicament. I have a relative that is a 37 year old female virgin who has finally begrudgingly and tearfully admitted that she would like to be married, problem is she is overweight (though not ugly, SMV 4-5 and has flattering curves) and lacks any understanding of how to deal with the opposite sex.

She is a primary school teacher and has primarily associated with older women and overweight female friends her entire life. The family has left that part of her life alone and was pretty much resigned to her being a spinster.

Thanks to game blogs I probed her constantly and eventually she cracked and admitted the truth, she has preserved a stoic exterior but deep down there is a massive well of disappointment, sadness and regret. She isn't a feminist but the older women in her life (mother, aunts and family friends) failed her miserably (they basically avoided the topic) and she imbibed the independent lifestyle (travel, expensive trinkets etc).

What advice would you give to help her find a husband? I'm willing to pound the pavement and introduce her to guys.

First, I would inform her that all hope is not lost, not yet. Many men value a lack of a carousel history, and some place particular value on virginity. She is in much better POTENTIAL shape than the average 40 year-old with an N over 20 and a pair of ill-behaved brats.

Second, I would go over her diet and lack of exercise with her. Get her to the gym! She should be lifting free weights as well as doing cardio; let her know that she can be in good and relatively slender shape by Halloween next year if she is willing to work at it. It won't be easy, but it is entirely doable.

Third, get her away from the den of sloth that is her social circle. All peer groups tend to influence their members for either good or evil, but few are as pernicious as the slovenly coven of the sort PS describes here. The moment she starts showing signs of raising her SMV, and concomitantly, her status within the social circle, her friends are going to turn on her with a fury that will have to be seen to be believed. Fat women HATE slender women, particularly slender women who used to be fat women. She needs to be prepared for that and reminded that "friends" who oppose her self-improvement are no true friends.

Fourth, encourage her to be looking for men who are 45+. I don't think she'll be inclined to any alpha-chasing, but as we know from our early teenage years, sexual power in the hands of women who have never had it before tends to go to their heads. She should cast aside any notion of making up for lost time and focus on the mission of finding the right man to marry. She has time, but she doesn't have a lot of time.

Fifth, protect her as she transforms and gradually becomes desirable to the deltas and bangable to the betas and lesser alphas. She likely has no means of discerning the predators from the potential husbands, so PS must get her to accept the idea of using him as a filter to separate the wheat from the chaff before she appears on their radar.

Susan Walsh was entirely wrong when she posited that men want women to lose their SMV. Quite the opposite, we want to see all women maximize it. It is women who aren't always so keen on the idea that other women might rise in value. So, I'm sure that all the men here will wish PS and his relative good luck in their mutual project, assuming they both decide to embark on Operation Ring-on-the-Finger.

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Even old women hate gammas

What we have here is a failure of observation:

The single women I know often seem better equipped than their male peers to lead a fulfilling solo life.... single middle-aged men often seem to lack the va-va-voom of female peers. I told Saturday’s audience that, as far as I could see, the main reason so many middle-aged women remained solo was that they’d rather be on their own than bed down with males so unkempt their jumpers had their own ecosystems. I also recounted how a beautiful, talented friend of mine – then in her late fifties – once had a date with a man who bought a sandwich from Boots for lunch and offered her half.

I thought (and rather hoped) that the men in the audience would stage a rebellion and protest. Instead, they all nodded. A chap in his late forties said that at his lonely hearts dining society the women were sexy and savvy, while the men lacked social graces and were inclined to be “a bit odd”. Bridget Jones’s famous fear of dying alone and being found three weeks later, “half-eaten by an Alsatian”, has begun to seem more applicable to male singletons.

Note that "the men in the audience" refers to the 7 men in an audience of over 200 at a discussion panel entitled "How to be a Single Woman in 2013". And we know exactly what sort of scalzied manboobs attend that kind of event.

The reason that all the aging single men who socialize with her aging single friends are so unkempt and undesirable is because older single men who keep up with their appearances don't date women their own age. They date and marry women who are younger, usually between 5 to 15 years younger. This is the result of the sexual difference in declining SMV and MMV.

And it's fascinating to observe that whether they are young women in college or old women approaching retirement age, most women would rather be alone than settle for a gamma or low delta. What this means in practical terms is that playing a long game, being yourself, and expecting post-Wall women to settle for you once they descend from the carousel or end their marriages and belatedly discover their lack of options will not necessarily work for those who are omegas and lower gammas.

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"Rape" is often post-sex regret

It appears the feminist meme of "women never lie about rape" has been put to rest for good:

A young mother has been jailed for making two false rape claims within hours of drunkenly sleeping with a friend’s partner. Ashleigh Loder, 25, wasted at least 100 hours of police time by inventing the assaults. She first told officers she had been attacked by two strangers in an alley before changing her story to say a man she knew had forced her to have sex in her home.

However the friend she had accused was able to prove his innocence because he had filmed the sexual encounter on his mobile phone.

The footage showed Loder, a mother-of-two from Bideford, Devon, was a willing and active sexual participant. She was drunk on vodka and invented her story because the partner of the man with whom she’d had sex was a friend. She feared the consequences of the other woman finding out what they had done.

This incident underlines what I noted last week, which is that most reported rape is nothing more than post-sex regret. It doesn't matter if the encounter is described "date rape" or "acquaintance rape" or "marital rape" or "near rape", if there is an adjective before the noun, it transforms the noun. Just as "social justice" is not justice, "date rape" is not rape.

In fact, it is readily apparent that if alcohol is involved in any way, that should be considered an important indicator that regret, and not rape, is involved. Many women intentionally get drunk in order to absolve themselves of responsibility for their subsequent actions, and in certain mixed-sex environments, one could make a very strong case for the mere fact of getting drunk equating to consent, given the fact that implicit consent is the controlling factor in the complete absence of formal written and notarized consent.

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Fresh sheets are HOT

Let this be a lesson to you. Don't listen to scientists. Listen to rock stars and athletes. Seriously, why on Earth would anyone pay any heed to what scientists, or worse, social quasi-scientists, have to say about what turns women on? Like they know! Here is what they believe to be women's top ten sexual turn-ons on the basis of their methodology:

TOP TEN TURN-ONS FOR WOMEN

1. Losing weight
2. Fresh bed sheets    
3. Winning a sum of money       
4. Night out with the girls  
5. Hot bath
6. Work night out or work Christmas party
7. A new hair do 
8. Having makeup applied 
9. Workout at the gym       
10. Closing a deal or completing a major task at work

Here is a good test for if you are an instinctive BETA: if you read this list and thought, "you know, I could change the bed sheets and draw her a hot bath!" And conversely, a good test for if you are an ALPHA: if you read this list and thought "I don't see how that's possible, since I had sex with three women here since the last time I washed the sheets."

(Women know to be dubious of satin sheets, but the ones that should really set off alarm bells are black cotton ones. You can just about slaughter a pig on black sheets and it won't show.)

The Masters of Game know what turns women on. First, the chemical cocktail of ovulation. Second, displays of fame, power, and money. Third, arrogance and social dominance. Fourth, height and a strong, fit, male body. Fifth, good hair and handsome facial features.

Notice that sensitivity, respect, and fresh bed sheets are nowhere to be found on that list.

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The Buyer's Market

Game continues to break into the mainstream, as evidenced by this piece in the Sydney Morning Herald, entitled Why women lose the dating game. It even features citations from Dalrock as well as Susan Walsh:

He barely had a date through much of his 20s and gave up on women. But then he spent time overseas, gained more confidence, learnt how to dress well and hit his early 30s. ''I suddenly started to get asked out by women, aged 19 through to 40. The floodgates burst open for me. I actually dated five women at once, amazing my flatmates by often bedding three to four of my casual dates each week. It is a great time as a male in your 30s, when you start getting more female attention and sex than you could ever have dreamt of in your 20s.''

That's when some men start behaving very badly - as the manosphere clearly shows. These internet sites are not for the faint-hearted. The voices are often crude and misogynist. But they tell it as they see it. There is Greenlander, an apparently successful engineer in his late 30s. In his early adult life, he was unable to ''get the time of day from women''. Now he's interested only in women under 27.

''The women I know in their early 30s are just delusional,'' he says. ''I sometimes seduce them and sleep with them just because I know how to play them so well. It's just too easy. They're tired of the cock carousel and they see a guy like me as the perfect beta to settle down with before their eggs dry out … when I get tired of them I just delete their numbers from my cell phone and stop taking their calls … It doesn't really hurt them that much: at this point they're used to pump & dump!''

It's easy to dismiss such bile but Greenlander's analysis is echoed by many Australian singles, both male and female.

''It's wall-to-wall arseholes out there,'' reports Penny, a 31-year-old lawyer. She is stunned by how hard it is to meet suitable men willing to commit. ''I'm horrified by the number of gorgeous, independent and successful women my age who can't meet a decent man.''

Penny acknowledges part of the problem is her own expectations - that her generation of women was brought up wanting too much. ''We were told we were special, we could do anything and the world was our oyster.'' And having spent her 20s dating alpha males, she expected them to be still around when she finally decided to get serious.

But these men go fast, many fishing outside their pond. The most attractive, successful men can take their pick from women their own age or from the Naomis, the younger women who are happy to settle early. Almost one in three degree-educated 35-year-old men marries or lives with women aged 30 or under, according to income, housing and marriage surveys by the Bureau of Statistics.

''I can't believe how many men my age are only interested in younger women,'' wails Gail, a 34-year-old advertising executive as she describes her first search through men's profiles on the RSVP internet dating site. She is shocked to find many mid-30s men have set up their profiles to refuse mail from women their own age.

Talking to many women like her, it's intriguing how many look back on past relationships where they let good men get away because they weren't ready. American journalist Kate Bolick wrote recently in The Atlantic about breaking off her three-year relationship with a man she described as ''intelligent, good-looking, loyal and kind''. She acknowledged ''there was no good reason to end things'', yet, at the time, she was convinced something was missing in the relationship. That was 11 years ago. She's is now 39 and facing grim choices.

''We arrived at the top of the staircase,'' Bolick wrote, ''finally ready to start our lives, only to discover a cavernous room at the tail end of a party, most of the men gone already, some having never shown up - and those who remain are leering by the cheese table, or are, you know, the ones you don't want to go out with.''

So, many women are missing out on their fairytale ending - their assumption that when the time was right the dream man would be waiting. The 30s are worrying years for high-achieving women who long for marriage and children - of course, not all do - as they face their rapidly closing reproductive window surrounded by men who see no rush to settle down.

One thing that tends to confuse those looking superficially at the matter is that most women, even in their late 30s, are able to find partners. But what tends to escape the attention of those superficial observers is that the men for whom the women are settling in their 30s and 40s tend to be of distinctly lower quality than the men that were pursuing them in their middle and late 20s. If you see a high caliber married man in his 40s or 50s who is married to a woman within a few years of his age, in most cases you will learn that they married when he was in his 20s. One seldom sees a high caliber married man that age who is engaged to a woman who is within five years of his age, as the statistics increasingly demonstrate.

This is why divorced men tend to do well among women approaching the Beauty Wall. Since divorce downgrades their MMV, they still have many of the SMV characteristics that women find attractive, but they possess lower marital value due to the greater baggage and higher relationship risk they represent. So, the older women retain access to the men their age the younger women find less interesting from the relationship perspective.

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Why gammas deny SMV

It's not hard to understand why women, especially aging women, deny the existence of SMV. As PJ O'Rourke once described, they dwell in "the lonely Hell of the formerly cute" and the reality is simply too painful for them to acknowledge. But why do men deny it, especially when it is supposedly so favorable to them that it has even been theorized that older, sexually disfavored men concocted it in order to make them feel better about themselves... well, that does smack of psychological projection, doesn't it.

There are several reasons. One gentleman on Twitter pointed out that PZ Myers's inability to understand that the units of Rollo's graph were nothing more than percentages of an individual's maximal SMV smacked of mild autism. And that surely plays a part, since Myers falls right in the middle between neurotypical and Asperger's Syndrome.

"I’ll have you know, though, that I took the test and scored a 24, an “average math contest winner.” You need a 32 to suggest Asperger’s, and a 15 is the average. So there. I don’t have Asperger’s, I’m just cruel and insensitive."

And, as the SMV discussion has shown, handicapped when it comes to understanding fairly simple concepts that everyone else has no trouble grasping. When you see a man who is otherwise intelligent getting lost in the irrelevant details and completely failing to see the obvious, and that man happens to be an atheist, you can be reasonably confident that he is not neurotypical.

But that's not the only reason. SMV is painful to low-ranking men who have not come to terms with their low status. The more delusional the Gamma, the less he is able to accept the reality that his intelligence, his sensitivity, and his willingess to place women on pedestals do not make him more attractive to the opposite sex. And no amount of logic or observation will suffice to make him admit that a five year-old girl has a lower SMV than a 25 year-old woman, that a Victoria's Secret model has a higher SMV than the average woman, or that he is not, in fact, as desirable as the high school quarterback, the college frat guy, or the corporate vice-president, all of whom he sees as idiots who aren't half the man he believes himself to be.

Notice how they reliably attempt to denigrate the attractiveness of men who are observably much more successful with women than they are.  This is the Gamma male's version of women threatening not to have sex with men whose views they dislike. PZ writes: "Let’s not even start on the ethics of judging people’s worth by the sole parameter of their sexual attractiveness. By that criterion, the author of that graph is a negative ten, and should be shoved in the hole beneath the outhouse and ignored for the rest of his days."

Perhaps PZ is right. However, the fact is that women don't decide who will, and who will not, be having sex with them on the basis of that criterion. They actually make their decisions based on the criteria that PZ describes as "spinning around in circles chasing your own tail until you fall over and vomit".

However, the reality is that the tails "these pick-up artists" are chasing are not their own. And no one would listen to Roissy, or Roosh, or Rollo, or me, if our advice didn't work. There is a vast amount of empirical evidence in support of our hypotheses, and it is remarkably unscientific of Mr. Myers to ignore it.

The rejection of the SMV concept is simply one aspect of the Gamma Delusion Bubble in which most gammas dwell. Because he's good enough just the way he is, and if the world doesn't recognize that, well, it's the world's loss!

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Raging against reality

I occasionally find myself wondering if Dr. PZ Myers made his PhD out of crayons and an old newspaper. I mean, I know he's not actually stupid, but he so often puts his metaphorical pen to paper before stopping and thinking through what he's writing that he may as well be.

SMV? What’s that, you’re wondering. It stands for “Sexual Market Value”. It purports to show the worth of men and women over a range of ages. Hold off on your rage for just a moment, and let’s look at it objectively.

First, the SMV axis. What are the units? There aren’t any. Why? Because he doesn’t actually measure anything. Get that? All of the values in this chart are arbitrary inventions that he totally made up. The entire thing is a fiction.

Second, the whole concept of “Sexual Market Value”. What does that even mean? It’s dimensionless. He doesn’t have a way to look at any person and say, “Your market value is X”. It doesn’t even make sense to put this into a chart; my sexual appeal to my wife is huge, but negligible to everyone else. Scarlett Johansen may have a reputation as a very sexy woman, but her sexual “market value” to me is zero, and not only is it offensive to propose that her sex is purchasable for some imaginary sum of a million quatloos or whatever, it probably isn’t even a real commodity.

Except, and here’s the scientifically repugnant part, he has no way to assess the SMV of an individual, except to look them up on the chart. Which he made up. The circularity is so perfect, it’s practically Biblical.

And then in his post he chastises critics for their inferior understanding of statistics, and unironically titles his post “Sex, Lies and Statistics”. Gaaaaah. Let’s not even start on the ethics of judging people’s worth by the sole parameter of their sexual attractiveness. By that criterion, the author of that graph is a negative ten, and should be shoved in the hole beneath the outhouse and ignored for the rest of his days.

One last tip: don’t read the comments. Don’t read the comments. Don’t read the comments. In between totting up the scores on all the women they’ve had sex with, they’re laughing at the critics for not appreciating the science of the graph.

Actually, what we're laughing at is the fact that the critics, like PZ, have clearly failed to understand what they're looking at.  As one commenter noted of PZ and his commenters: "It reads like some sci-fi robot trying to process illogical statements. "What are the units? There aren’t any." "What does that even mean? It’s dimensionless." "It doesn’t even make sense to put this into a chart [Warning CPU overload]". 

Of course there are no units! It is a graphic representation of a variable! 10 does not represent, (as PZ somehow manages to erroneously theorize despite it being explained right in my post), one's actual SMV at any given age, but rather one's MAXIMAL SMV at any given age. And as for the idea that varying subjective values cannot be utilized by the market to produce an average net, well, this betrays an ignorance of basic economics that borders on the complete.

Having been overweight, lonely, and unattractive throughout his adolescence and young adulthood, PZ is entirely familiar with the concept of Sexual Market Value. What does it mean? It means why the pretty girls in high school and college never had any interest in him. And he knows that perfectly well, otherwise he wouldn't be complaining about the ethics of judging people's worth by something that is a meaningless fiction. No one cares about meaningless fictions, but most people care a great deal about how others judge their SMV.

As for the "scientific repugnance", PZ is remarkably unobservant if he is going to stand by his insistence that there is no way to assess the SMV of an individual except to look up their age on the chart. Does he truly find it hard to assess the changing SMV of the same individual pictured at 5, at 25, and at 85?  Does he really believe anyone needs a chart to determine which of the three individuals pictured has the lower SMV?

The fact of the matter is that PZ has no understanding whatsoever of Game. He is a fairly typical Gamma male, constantly trying to make sense of a universe that strikes him as unfair by viewing it through a reality-warping Gamma delusion filter.

All Rollo's chart is meant to be is a graphic representation of the observable and the obvious. The average woman's maximal SMV peaks at a younger age than the average man's and subsequently declines faster. This means that women are advised to make different decisions on a different timescale than men if they wish to take maximum advantage of their attractiveness to the opposite sex.

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