Gamma, not Omega

It appears the Chateau was correct. Andreas Lubitz was an embittered and heartbroken Gamma male, not a rage-filled Omega:

Maria told the German newspaper Bild: "We got to know each other last year on a flight and exchanged numbers, then stayed in contact. We met in hotels, but it was difficult because of our jobs."

Speaking of Lubitz's emotional make-up she described him as someone who was"nice and open minded" in public, but who needed constant love and reassurance in private.

"He was a good man who could be very sweet. He brought me flowers," but she added that he suffered from the pressure of his job, stating: "We spoke a lot about work and then he became another person. He became agitated about the circumstances in which he had to work, too little money, anxiety about his contract and too much pressure."

Maria said they eventually split up when she felt unable to deal with his growing problems and his increasingly volatile temper any more.

"During conversations he'd suddenly throw a tantrum and scream at me. I was afraid. He even once locked me in the bathroom for a long time."

German investigators refused to confirm whether the sick note, or the hospital treatment, related to depression, though Lubitz is reported to have taken time out from his pilot training after suffering mental illness before he finally qualified.

As the hunt continued for a motive for Lubitz’s mass murder, it also emerged that he had recently split from his girlfriend, and appeared to have made a desperate last attempt to win her back by buying her a brand new Audi car only weeks ago. She appeared to have said no, as the car was never delivered.

And some men wonder why women are instinctively creeped out and disturbed by grand gestures. It's a much finer line between "buying her a new Audi" and "crashing an airplane" than most people would like to believe.

As much as the feminists find it hard to believe, women are in far more physical danger from the Gammas who supplicate to them and are eager to grant their every wish than they are from the Alphas who objectify and use them.

Heartiste explains the difference:

When I saw a photo of the guy, my gut told me he was a lovelorn beta male candidate who may have flew (heh) into a psychotic episode triggered by a relationship breakup. I decided against my gut, in favor of the more “PC” speculation. I should’ve stuck with my gut. News arrives that Lubitz was seeing a therapist to get over his fiancée dumping him.

(NB: This isn’t omega male rage, a la Elliot Rodger. Omega males are sexless castaways. Beta males can get girlfriends, but are awful at maintaining relationship hand, so they frequently get dumped, what seems to them, out of the blue.)

Read More

Graduating Gamma 4

Graduating Gamma
Step Four: Mental

There is no man on the planet more intellectually dishonest than a Gamma, as even an Omega has enough self-awareness to avoid being a buffoon at social event and will instead stay at home and play computer games. Everything from a Gamma is a con or a presented image because behind that shell is a scared, miserable boy who uses whatever tools are at his disposal to build the Gamma Delusion Bubble. The Gamma Delusion Bubble shields the Gamma from somehow and some way ever being wrong about anything, as there is no being wrong about “something”, there is only being a wrong “person”. His identity is so tied up in his opinions about everything, including himself, that any slip-up is a catastrophe which must be avoided at all costs.

I don’t know

The second-most terrifying statement for a Gamma is to admit that he doesn’t know something. A Gamma constantly speaks of having knowledge in areas he most certainly does not. Being ignorant for a Gamma is being discredited as a person, so they will do what is in their power to bluff, obfuscate, and redirect people so others don’t see their ignorance. If you wish to escape the life of a Gamma you must learn the statement, “I don’t know” and use it when it is appropriate.

I must unfortunately take a moment to explain to the binary-thinking Gammas that no, you do not go from being a know-it-all to blurting out “I don’t know” at the start of nearly every conversation, feel the need to explain all of the time now about how you don’t know something, and talk about how proud you are about not to knowing things. You may laugh at this, but I know Gammas well, and there are some out there who will do this exact thing thinking they are improving their situation, until it obviously doesn’t work and they blame this post for their failures.

In simple practice you say this when needed and you honestly don’t know about the topic at hand. While at first glance it seems easy enough if you are a Gamma, it is difficult in reality. It’s challenging because typically you’ve already hung yourself on your own ignorance in a conversation by saying way more than you should have, and by the time you are challenged on a point, having to say you don’t know part of it means your entire argument might collapse. Think about this for a moment. If you are saying so much that if someone challenges a point, and by admitting that you don’t know about something in which you are pontificating about, it destroys what you are saying, where was your first error? It was bull-shitting in the first place. Stop making definitive statements about things if you can’t back them up with logic or evidence, unless it is clearly a subjective opinion of little matter.

Examples of subjective opinions of little matter: favorite color, sports teams, movies you like, the hottest actress. You don’t have to know why you have a favorite sports team or why you like green over blue, it doesn’t matter. On the other hand if you think we should use gold as a currency rather than fiat, you’d better know all about the subject before trying to tell people how the monetary system should be run. Gammas do not want to admit ignorance, they want to appear intelligent, so they overreach their arguments and then feel they can’t backtrack an inch.


I am wrong

The most terrifying statement for a Gamma is admitting he is wrong about something. You must start to take responsibility for your words and actions if you want to stop being a Gamma. Once again, this is exceedingly difficult if you are not used to doing it. Do you realize the power there is in the words: “I am wrong”? These aren’t words of weakness but of power, first, because you speak the truth, and second, because this truth allows you room for correction. In other words, if you never admit you are wrong, you can never correct your thinking. 

Instead of trying to bluff when asked if you know something about what you’ve stated, say this instead: “You make a good point, I don’t know.” They may leave it at that and let it go, which means you just got off easy. If they push the point and destroy your shoddy argument, you now have to take the beating like a man. Don’t whine, don’t ask for mercy, don’t lie, don’t get snarky, and don’t disappear, TAKE IT. Then, when they are finished demolishing your ill-conceived statements, you should reply: “I was wrong. I didn’t think that through very well and it turns out you were right.” Sucks doesn’t it? Think of it this way, you picked a fight with someone tougher than you and you got a bloody nose. Now, are you going to go run home to mommy crying or are you going to train harder for the next fight? If you want to know what separates a Gamma from a Delta in the Mental aspect of life it is this response right here. A Delta knows when he is beaten and will submit, but Gamma knows he is beaten and then lies incessantly to himself and others about the loss because he cannot admit defeat.

This is why Gammas hate and fear Alphas so much, as an Alpha will not relent and will keep beating someone (in a physical fight, rhetoric, or dialectic) until the other submits or it is clear to everyone that he has defeated the opponent. Everyone else in the hierarchy will submit or be destroyed, but the Gamma will never admit defeat and so the Alpha will keep throwing punches until onlookers literally start to beg the Gamma to stop making a fool of himself. The Gamma’s appeals will get more hysterical, more emotional and the Alpha will take the hysteria, form it into a club, and splatter the Gamma's proverbial brains all over the pavement to the eventual horror (or in some cases, snickers), of the crowd.

In an online environment, a Gamma can act like a buffoon forever until he disappears or is banned from a site for his actions; in real life eventually the Gamma is socked in the nose or worse when he plays this sort of game with an Alpha one too many times. I think all boys have witnessed this at least once: some little twerp mouths off to the leader of the group of boys (not a bully, but the de facto leader), and the next thing the twerp knows is he has a black eye and is running to women for protection from the “bully”. Don’t mistake this for defending bullies, I hate bullies, this is a kid being a smart-aleck towards another boy in an attempt to undermine his status, who pays for it, but then won’t accept his status after being put in his place. Since most adults never get into any physical confrontation the most common scenario you’ll see is the Gamma mouth off to a man of higher status, the higher-status man turns around, looks them in the eye, and challenges them. The Gamma will generally turn pale and try to leave the situation, or he will lie about the challenge in the first place.

Let me clarify the challenge in the male hierarchy. It goes on all the time and is a natural part of life as a man. In fact, it’s healthy, as men are much more efficient as a group when the order is more or less defined. If a Delta challenges the Alpha, he gets smacked around a little, then gets back in line. The Gamma challenges the Alpha and doesn’t get back in line, instead he lies about the challenge, insults the Alpha’s character, tries to humor his way out of it, whines when he gets smacked, swears hatred towards the Alpha, and derides anyone who makes him feel bad or sides with the Alpha. He does anything and everything to lie about not being beaten. This is why in Bizarro Gamma World they will sometimes claim to be Alphas, because in their minds they are never beaten when everyone else sees a sorry sack of a man who is thoroughly and completed beaten, but won’t admit defeat. This isn’t a Rocky Balboa-type desire to never quit, which would be admirable, but rather, it would be like Rocky, after being beaten senseless by Clubber Lan,g then running around the ring talking about his gloves not being on right, he didn’t hear the bell, Lang being a hateful and racist fighter, then pretending the fight never happened while cracking lame jokes about boxing being a stupid sport. That Rocky would be loathsome and worthy of no respect.

Make or Break

This is it, this is the pivot point in which you can go from the Gamma mentality to the Delta mentality and perhaps even eventually beyond, which is admitting you are wrong and that you don’t know things. Once again, don’t just breeze through this point, but live it. Accept it. It is much more difficult than the average Gamma can even imagine and it will be terribly painful adjustment. It is shedding the skin of protective dishonesty, without which you will be more vulnerable to start with, but eventually much stronger. Some of you reading this post won't be able to make this journey with us. I can hear the Gamma wheels spinning now:  “I’m not really like that… he’s full of shit and wishes he was an Alpha… I don’t agree with something he wrote so it’s all invalid… this is just out-of-control masculinity… he’s not being Christ like in his attitude…”, and so on. To you I offer no consolation, only this advice: Enjoy your life as a Gamma. I don’t mean this as an insult, but rather don’t obsess over your inability to go beyond what you are, and let it ruin you completely. Don’t let “what could have been” be a cloud over your existence, but rather take what you’ve been given and make the most of it.

I have sympathy here for the Gamma attempting to cross this chasm on what looks like a frayed rope bridge, but it must be done, and it will be painful at times. Be prepared for the other Gammas you meet online and in person to pounce on your admittance to not knowing something, or to being wrong. Some of them will try to shout it like headline news. They will seize upon it, they will remember it, and they will try to use it against you, possibly forever. They are contemptible and you will find, as you leave being a Gamma, that you will have to leave your Gamma friends and acquaintances behind. A very righteous anger will grow in you against men who cannot forgive, cannot forget, and lie all of the time about themselves while always being ready to point out the slightest flaws in others. The fists that ball up in your hands at this behavior are normal, and good. Men should be outraged at this conduct; you should be furious that a liar uses good (admittance of wrong) to do evil in order to make themselves look better.

The good news is that everyone but Gammas understands this and will respect you more for taking this step. Women will admire you much more, and even a low Delta will silently nod his head, be your friend, and have respect for you when you own up to your intellectual shortcomings. This is normal behavior for men who are not Gammas. Don’t expect a parade for this behavior, though, or even a pat on the back very often, just don’t be surprised when someone appreciates your candor and gives you respect for it. What you are doing is moving from a world of darkness and lies into the light of truth. Believe me, it is a much better world. It is so much better that you cannot imagine it while you are still a Gamma. 

If you are ready to make this leap, then don’t just think about it, act upon it. Look for the next legitimate opportunity to admit you don’t know something when asked, admit that you are truly ignorant about the subject, and admit that you are wrong (using those very words!) when shown to be so. It probably won’t take very long to find the opportunity. In the next part, I’m going to give you some tools to help you on your way, and some examples of how to do this in life. 

Read More

The Gamma identifier

There were a lot of good guesses, many of which were indeed phrases popular with Gammas, but no one landed precisely on the phrase that I have observed to be most useful in correctly identifying a Gamma early in his argumentative process. Aquila Aquilonis came closest when he said: "I'm pretty sure the phrase is a re-framing phrase that is blatantly dishonest." Slarrow was also in the neighborhood with "I think what you're saying...."

The actual phrase, however, is "You seem to be saying" or its variants "It appears you are saying" or "So you're claiming/telling me"

This is subtly, but significantly, different than what slarrow guessed, as it is NOT a statement about what the Gamma thinks, which would be perfectly legitimate even if incorrect, but rather a dishonest reframe of what the other party has already said. What the Gamma is doing when he uses it is setting up the strawman he intends to attack in lieu of what the other party actually said.

Notice that it appeared in the Gamma example from the other day: "However, you seem to be repeating that claim again, despite having the contrary evidence up front. So, you're pretty close to providing me with adequate support for my earlier claim."

Of course, I did not repeat the claim again, in fact, I pointed out that I had never made the claim in the first place. My response: "You can't repeat that which never existed in the first place."

Then, in another post made after I mentioned how this phrase is a useful early identifier, another Gamma utilized a variant of it twice in precisely the same manner.

1. "So you're claiming that Iraq attacked Iran and started the war?"
2. "So you're telling me a coup d'etat that the British used to establish control of Iran during the days of British colonialism is justification for the medieval regime of the Ayatollah?"

Both of these characterizations were false. My response: "I wrote what I wrote. I said what I said. Stop this "so you're telling me" and "so you're claiming" bullshit. If you can't address exactly what I wrote, not some idiotic revision of your own device, then you're not tall enough for this ride and you don't belong here." This led to the customary Gamma verbal deluge.

"Yeah Ok. So the British overthrew the Iranian Government for stealing the oil wells they drilled in Iran by themselves, and the Iranians had no use for without Western Technology like cars and electric generators. Oh no! Those evil oil companies that steal the resources of backward natives that don't even know its there to make those evil industries that feed the world and provide lifesaving medicine and technology! Are you sure you're not a Liberal Democrat? Evil Oil Companies? Really? What the fuck were these Iranians going to do with this oil without Western Technology? Were they going to build another House of Saud like Saudi Arabia?"

I wasn't the only one to notice the blatantly dishonest reframing. As it happens, I never said anything at all about oil companies, evil or otherwise. All I pointed out was the simple, easily confirmable historical fact that the United States was in part responsible for the 1953 coup that toppled the democratically-elected Iranian government.

And here we have another perfect example of a Straw Man argument. Joshua invents the claim that Vox is saying "Evil Oil Companies" were behind everything, then proceeds to flail at the straw man.

And thereby anecdotally demonstrated that the use of the phrase "You seem to be saying", and its variants, is a reliable Gamma identifier, and therefore the individual resorting to it is probably an individual who merits a purely rhetorical dismissal rather than a honest dialectical response.

Read More

Alpha Mail: salute the rank

BC is struggling to respect a Gamma male:

With the series on Gammas, I was curious if I could get some advice from yourself and the Ilk on how a young man creating his own household deals with courting a woman whose father figure is the most Gamma man I've ever met. While some discussion can be had on regular, modern dating, my own situation involves traditional courtship where the woman has acted submissively towards me at every opportunity, shows every sign of feminine appeal/behavior, and then has such a Gamma father figure I can't help but act in disgust.

I generally just avoid him in every way, but the structure of courtship doesn't completely allow me to do so. He consistently sets himself into conflict with me in evasive, non-direct ways, denies doing so, denies all responsibility, and then tries to claim authority and place of masculine leadership via both credentials and his position as male role in courtship. No signs of results mattering, respect having to be earned (beyond telling me I must be earning his through submission), or any signs of real leadership aside from possibly in intellectual areas. I am baffled. I don't know how, but somehow this is the man that taught a woman to value leadership. I have the feeling he's of the high IQ, low social skills type, and able to theoretically define Catholic head of household, but completely unable to interact with men displaying such.

This is the kind of thing I thought was farce, or overexaggerated by how people operate online. Yet I've now had the trouble of having to actually converse with such men, and being put into a position where courtship puts me to gain the approval of a him sounds like a horrible parody.

There is a great scene in Band of Brothers when Captain Sobel encounters the newly promoted Major Winters. Sobel is bitter because he was ousted as the commanding officer of Easy Company prior to the D-Day jump and was replaced by Winters. Sobel disdains to salute Winters, but Winters reminds him: "We salute the rank, Captain Sobel, not the man."

At which point Sobel obediently salutes Winters, who snaps off a sarcastically-crisp parade-ground salute in return.

That's what BC has to do. Respect the rank of father-in-law, not the man who happens to be the prospective father-in-law. He has to know, and accept, that this man, being a Gamma, cannot handle authority over other men and is going to be inclined to abuse it from time to time. To which, the correct response is the time-honored one of put-upon sergeants dating back to the legions, perfect, literal, and mindless obedience.

Nothing drives those abusing their authority crazier, or makes them doubt it more, than unquestioning, unemotional and flawless obedience. Because they don't actually want obedience, they want approval. By giving them what they merit according to their rank, but denying them what they have to earn, this gradually teaches even the slowest learner that throwing his weight around accomplishes him nothing.

I'd even recommend BC go as far as address the man as sir. If he makes pompous demands, BC should, with a completely straight face and no sarcasm whatsoever, "yessir, absolutely sir" the hell out of them. He should question nothing, agree with everything; this is essentially the male form of agree-and-amplify. And he needn't worry about what his fiance thinks; women recognize this very well as an innocent form of taking the piss out of someone. After all, they are the sex that invented the game of ruling through submission.

Read More

Gamma in action

I got into a discussion yesterday with a gamma over at VP. The author of Graduating Gamma observed it throughout, and even offered a prediction that panned out almost precisely as he said it would. This was his summary:

G: Makes claim about a specific subject.

VD: Points out that G doesn’t know what the specific subject actually is.

G: Admits he probably doesn’t know. (Notice he didn’t concede that he didn’t know, just probably and it didn’t stop him from making shit up about it and sticking to it.) Pontificates, claims VD is avoiding an issue, and then restates the same point again (A) a slightly different way, and makes a new point (B).

Another: Try to refute point (B)

G: Calls Another’s point laughable, sticks to point (B)

VD: Demolishes point with historical example (B)

G: Claims VD is denying historical examples. Adds *yawn* snark. Accuses VD of cherry-picking examples. Asks 7 questions only tangentially related to the specific topic. Says there’s even more questions.

Another: Points out that G is missing the big picture.

G: Says he agrees with Another but asks a question trying to undermine Another’s point. Tries to expand (B) with more problems.

VD: Points out G is playing fast and loose with terms (Gamma trait) and will demolish him. Then asks yes/no question.

G: Brings up a completely and totally unrelated topic from 2011(!) which he thinks Vox was wrong about. Dodges yes/no question with qualifier.

VD: Demands the assertion from 2011 be backed up, points out the dodge, and asks again: yes/no.

G: Brings up more details about unrelated 2011 point and how G proved VD was wrong 4 years ago about something and it was “huge”. (Gammas don’t forgive or forget!) Dodges question again, asks VD what exactly is VD asking him to say.

VD: Points out G is wrong, asks another yes/no question about 2011 topic.

VD: Adds more info with relevant quotes.

VD: Responds that he’s trying to get G to simply answer a yes or no question.

G: Admits he paraphrased badly about 2011 topic. (No admittance about being wrong. Me Gamma. No wrong.) Takes three sentences to answer, finally “yes” on the first question.

VD: [At this point I pointed out that G was now denying things he'd already admitted, announced that I'm not interested in playing Pin the Gamma to His Own Words, and dropped it. - Vox]

G: In damage control now. "It's finished, that's cool. We can put it behind us, and here's why I'm still right."

Graduating Gamma author adds: It's kinda like I imagine drug addiction would be, while you are in the middle of it, you don't think that you are doing anything too wrong, or at the very least you can control it while the people around you are looking in pity and anger at your actions. If you notice [another Gamma] did the same thing, they are so scared of being ousted from the herd after an episode they blather on and try to engage on other subjects. They have the need to still be accepted.

The point I'm trying to make here, other than to try to help Gammas see how annoying their characteristically argumentative behavior is to everyone who witnesses it, is to show how readily recognizable this behavior is to others. Gammas seem to think they're being clever and devious by refusing to answer simple and straightforward answers, by hiding their obvious errors behind their own, newly made custom definitions of words, and inaccurately rephrasing the words of others. They also seem to think they're somehow getting away with it, but the fact is that they're not. Everyone sees it. And no one is fooled.

Seriously, it's now gotten to the point that I can often correctly identify a Gamma male by his use of a single phrase of five words. I'll let you all guess what it is before I let you in on it, but it is ASTONISHINGLY reliable. If someone uses this particular phrase, or some form of it, the chances are about 9 in 10 that he will very soon begin to exhibit characteristic Gamma behavior of the sort Graduating Gamma has described in detail for us.

UPDATE: Further to the point on Gamma behavior, Dr. Torch simply couldn't let it go.

Vox Day ‏@voxday
Gamma in action: a witness writes a summary after observing the characteristic behavior of a Gamma male in discourse. http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2015/03/gamma-in-action.html …

DrTorch ‏@TorchDr
@voxday With VD playing role of Gamma male: picks fight, loses, runs away, claims victory.

Vox Day ‏@voxday now
@TorchDr Still at it, gamma boy? Fine, we can Omega you. You're done at VP.

He can call it a win if he likes. He can call me a coward if he likes. He can do whatever he wants, but regardless, he won't be commenting at VP again. This is an important lesson in submission for the Gammas of the world. If you don't learn to submit, then you're eventually going to be destroyed when you run into the wrong Alpha or Sigma, in whatever the relevant context is. Whether that means a physical beating, a firing, or just being silenced on a blog, it's almost always a consequence that could have easily been avoided.

The observable facts are that he picked the fight. Not me. He retreated from his earlier assertion. Not me. And I did not claim victory either, for that matter. I have neither respect nor time for any commenter who insists on behaving in this manner. If you can't answer straightforward answers or admit when you're wrong, you'd better not challenge me. I don't mind being criticized or challenged, but I have no tolerance for the endless Gamma dancing as they desperately try to preserve their self-image.

Read More

10 signs of passive-aggressiveness

This are behaviors that tend to be indicative of low rank in the socio-sexual hierarchy. If you find that you tend to engage in them, it's important to note that you're not fooling anyone. People do notice these things and accordingly reach conclusions about you:

1. Intentional avoiding responsibilities, or purposefully performing incompetently to display anger
2. Procrastinating
3. Resentfulness towards others
4. Complaining about being feeling under-appreciated or cheated
5. Sulky, pouty, and argumentative behavior towards authority figures
6. Laying the blame on others
7. Contradictory behavior (enthusiastically agreeing on a job but performing poorly on purpose)
8. Displays of unexpressed anger or hostile attitude
9. Intentional forgetfulness
10. Inability to take constructive criticism

Now, obviously anyone can be forgetful or procrastinate. But this is about regular patterns of behavior. If you find yourself prone to behaving in this way, it's important to ask yourself why you are doing so.

Don't run from conflict. If you have an issue with someone, speak your piece directly and without fear. You have a right to your opinion and you have the right to have it taken seriously. That doesn't mean you're going to get your way, but then, passive-aggression isn't going to get it for you either.

Read More

HR, we have a problem

A reader who shall remain anonymous for obvious reasons has a little situation:

I go to put my office Google account on my phone, but it won't set up right. So, I log in to gmail via chrome to check my work email briefly... and forgot to log out. [We shall omit the gory details, but suffice it to say that logging out would have been desirable.]

My first thought is to ignore this issue. There's a lot of web browsing we have to do. But yeah, I think: don't draw attention to a problem that may merely be overlooked. Then I think, better to go to the girl above me, and without giving details, explain [the situation]. This way I can control the narrative, show a little shame, and maybe they'll say they won't even look at that history.

I have no interest in the various mistakes or moral failings that occurred here, what I find both telling and problematic is the instinctive response. To preemptively try to fix a situation you don't even know is an actual problem yet is a very Gamma response. "This way I can control the narrative" is the key phrase that identifies that dangerously sub-optimal way of thinking.

The truth is that the reader is likely to do precisely the opposite, and not only fail to control the narrative, but create a situation that is beyond his boss's ability to overlook. Moreover, it assures the worst case scenario, which is that relevant people at his place of employment find out.

This goes to the lack of confidence at the heart of the Gamma. Instead of assuming that there will not be a problem, he assumes the worst and then seeks to make it happen. He does this because the insecurity of not knowing what may or may not happen is psychologically more painful to him than the consequences he is seeking to avoid.

I think every Gamma, or Delta with Gamma instincts, should watch the TV show Suits. Louis Litt embodies Gamma, and it is tragicomical how his constant efforts to preemptively fix problems he has created and control both the narrative and the flow of communications invariably makes things worse.

Don't be a Louis Litt. Don't try to fix things unless you are certain they are broken. Don't try to control the narrative, relax and let yourself flow with it. Wu-wei is very, very difficult for the Gamma, but most of the time, potential problems tend to sort themselves out without any action from those who foresee or imagine them.

Read More

The source of Gamma delusion

We all know that Gammas are passive-aggressive and argumentative. But it's not often that they come right out and admit their purpose in being argumentative:

“I am a Liberal Fuck,” Krupp wrote in one post. “A Liberal Fuck is not a Democrat, but rather someone who combines political data and theory, extreme leftist views and sarcasm to win any argument while make the opponents feel terrible about themselves. I won every argument but one.” Krupp then detailed the only political argument he claimed her ever lost, a drunken encounter he had with a “conservative gay prick.”

This is very valuable insight into the Gamma mentality and demonstrates why women are right to despise them as being fundamentally untrustworthy and deem them to be unvaginaworthy.

In other words, he combines unsettled ideas, opinions, and a rhetorical tone to a) win and b) cause feelbad. I think that actually, (a) and (b) are the same. The Gamma's victory metric is whoever can cause the other individual to feel worse about himself wins. This explains why he is constantly pretending to be above it all and unconcerned even when you can see that he is horribly upset and wounded.

The Gamma believes that if he admits to the truth of his own feelings, he will lose. This is why he is always creating the impression that something is "off" about him, because it is. Even more than with the social hierarchy, the Gamma is at war with himself and with his feelings. This is why they idolize Spock and human reason.

This also points us to the way out of Gamma and into healthy Delta territory. Unsurprisingly, it is a common theme, or at least it once was before Gamma creators began flattering Gammas rather than trying to help them fix themselves. Face your demons. Face your fears. Look into the mirror and admit the truth. Maybe you're fat. Maybe you're afraid. Maybe you're hurt, lonely, and rejected.

But until you stop pretending the situation is different than it is, you can't hope to even begin to start fixing it.

Of course, it also points to the best way to psychologically destroy a Gamma. Ignore his words and ruthlessly press on his insecurities and flaws, no matter how shallow. I finally figured out that this is why Gammas so often shriek AD HOM even when it's not applicable. Ad Hominem is their kryptonite. They themselves believe their oft-disingenuous arguments are worthless because of who they are, so if you dismiss them on the basis of their own worthlessness, you are confirming the truth from which they are seeking to avert their eyes.

So, don't ever answer a Gamma's passive-aggressiveness at face value. Dismiss him, and do so in the contemptuous manner you probably already feel for him. Not only will it unhinge him and help you dismiss his arguments, but it's about the only positive thing you can do for him.

Read More

The Year-Long Proposal

JM asked me to address it:

Please-oh-please! write on the year-proposal guy: My wife said "gotta see this, so romantic". I couldn't stand it, it drove me crazy - A YEAR? Are you kidding me? Makes no sense any which way to me. Wife was eventually amused but otherwise flabbergasted by my reaction.

Actually, I'm not inclined to criticize a man for this sort of thing. Is it "so romantic"? I suppose. It tended to strike me as a bit of what the Brits call "taking the piss", especially if he was occasionally doing it right behind her back.

It's a bit narcissistic and passive-aggressive for me, and is both sillier and more time-intensive than anything I could ever imagine myself doing, but if the guy is a cheeseball and she's going to marry him, she's probably got more of an appetite for that sort of posturing cheese than the average woman.

It's a bit delta-gamma in that there is a little martyr complex in it that puts an amount of pressure on the young woman to say yes, but if that's where you are, that's where you are. Not every man can pull off grunting "here" and tossing a ring box at his bride-to-be, and not every woman can handle the sort of man who isn't inclined to dance on romantic command.

And this is the social media generation, after all, and what girl doesn't want something she can post on Facebook and Twitter.

Read More

Alpha Mail: the contact-shy son

BD emails concerning his son:

A comment on your post "The Danger of Fantasy" talked of separating the masculine from the feminine. My wife & I have 5 children & we home school. We have just one boy. What I've noticed for awhile is that I believe my son actually takes on some female traits. He's somewhat petty. He's very jealous. He's very overdramatic at times. He very much cares what his sisters think about him and cannot stand when they laugh at him. To me these are feminine traits. He's around girls all the time and the 5 girls in our family (my wife & 4 daughters)​ are exceedingly girly. Is there any advice that you have or things I can to try & steer him away from this feminization? I'm the family provider so there is no way I can spend as much time with him as my wife does and by proxy his sisters. He's a big strong athletic kid but sometimes he's the biggest baby in our family & he has shown LOTS of tendency to avoid confrontation, especially now that he's playing contact sports.

It's hard for Alpha fathers to accept that they have sons of lower socio-sexual rank, even though their own behavior often helps cement those Delta or Gamma traits in their sons as they crush any sign of a normally rebellious spirit out of them.

My suspicion is that the boy's behavior is partly the result of being in a heavily female environment and partly the result of having a big, strong, Alpha father. This indicates that the father has to take a two-prong approach to addressing the problem of creeping Gammatude. The first is to ensure that he is occupied in a number of competitive male activities. Not just the sports teams, but also non-sports activities where he can compete and learn that failure isn't a complete catastrophe.

Second, BD needs to start setting him challenges in which he has a reasonable chance of beating BD. I don't mean throwing games, but intentionally choosing games where he can legitimately beat his father. I suspect one reason that he shrinks from confrontation is that he doesn't feel as if he has any ability to compete, so giving him that ability should help address the problem. Also, BD should refrain from either overpraising when his son wins or gloating when he beats his son.

Third, the one thing that should be crushed is any Gamma attempt to reframe defeat as victory or control the narrative through deceit. It doesn't sound like he's that deeply into Gamma for that to be an issue, but if it appears, it should be forthrightly addressed.

Read More

Alpha Mail: Diagnosis Gammma 3

The third and final part of GW's email:

This loosely relates to the bottom part of list about women

I've made shockingly poor decisions over the years. Going abroad with one woman after only knowing her for a month or so, given my own limitations/problems and that she appeared a little highly strung herself this was never going to work. She needs somebody who's a bit of a rock, perhaps like most women. I think my anxiety, insecurity all those things probably make most women very uncomfortable or even repulsed.

I remember an incident on that holiday that stuck with me. Walking back to room from beach, she was wearing a top but had not put her bikini top back on. A group of "lads" made a comment towards her, cant remember what it was but was to do with lack of bikini underneath. My reaction was really poor I think I slightly moved away from her, not a lot, but body language that I'm guessing is me backing down to bigger males. I also didn't put my arm round her or anything like that. Completely bottled it. She wasn't happy with this at all, and once we moved away from them she said why didn't I say something etc. I think having run this over a thousand times I should have moved round between them and her, put my arm round her, and either said something or gave them a look. Ive no idea what though. My natural reaction there seems to be back down.

We also had a "fight" where I got slapped across the face. I was boiling over at the time but had no idea what to do. I'm glad I didn't hit back I think if I had things would have got a lot worse.

Moral factors aside, I don't see what is wrong with going on a trip with a woman one doesn't know well. If you don't know her well before it, you certainly will after it. Like most Gammas, GW's instincts are bad with regards to women, and the combination of his cowardly reactions with his tendency to narcissistically overanalyze himself tends to create a downward spiral.

It's fine not to say anything back to a group of men when you're outnumbered and they are looking for an excuse to impress a girl by beating you up. But actually ceding her to them on the basis of the threat they are offering, which is what he metaphorically did with his moving away from her, was pretty bad. In that sort of situation, she's not necessarily looking for you to go and get yourself killed, but she is looking for reassurance that you will defend her if necessary. As GW surmises, the right thing to do would have been to make a protective gesture, such as putting your arm around her. The Alpha response of angrily shouting back at the group and challenging them would have been the wrong one; this is why Alphas get their asses kicked nearly as often as the lowest ranks do.

Backing down is not always bad. And there are better and worse ways to back down. I probably would have just raised an eyebrow and snorted at them myself. However, what compounded the error was when he let her slap him across the face; she already viewed him as a coward of sorts, and she confirmed it later when he let her physically dominate him too. You don't have to hit a woman back (although I would, and have), but you do need to physically dominate her and make her submit and apologize if she strikes you. The "I'm a stoic man and I don't care" routine is correctly perceived as psychological weakness, especially in response to something as openly challenging and dismissive as a slap. If you spin her around, put her in an arm bar, and shove her down on the bed or over a couch as if you're about to take her from behind, then tell her to apologize, she will not have any cause for complaint about you hitting her back nor will she view you as weak and submissive.

Another way to respond to being slapped by a woman is to spit in her face. The slap is not meant to seriously harm, it is primarily a gesture of contempt. But spitting is even more contemptuous, leaves no marks, and is probably more psychologically damaging to a woman than being slapped or hit. I could be wrong, but I suspect most women would rather be shoved or slapped than have a man spit in her face.

I also went to Northern Spain with another woman in more trying circumstances as we went in a van, on ferry, and through France. I found this very hard. Given I was completely out of my comfort zone I just ended up doing whatever she told me to do. This seemed to quite suit her and she was happy driving the van and leading the way, inside I was unravelling gradually, didn't help that French people seemed to stare at us a lot. Not sure whether her driving the van and me looking completely lost showed, may just be paranoid about that. Given she wasn't approving of me drinking on the way my normal crutch wasn't available. By the time I got to destination I was ready to burst. She appeared to have no idea whatsoever that I wasn't happy about it all. To what extent it shows her lack of perception or my ability to hide myself I'm not sure. I have been told before that I can hide my feelings well, or at least people don't realize what I'm thinking. I don't really agree with them, I think the signals are there just some people don't seem to see them. I feel like my internal insecure self is completely transparent to people.

I'll add one more thing. I went on holiday for a week with parents, my sister, her two sons and the father of the youngest boy. Again a poor decision for me to go given I know what I'm like I will struggle to handle it and end up being hard work for other people. There wasn't anything that particularly stood out but I felt to some degree like a sullen adolescent, given I was 38 this just encourages me to hate myself. My father hired a van and did the driving, my sister and boyfriend did a lot of the cooking, he's a chef. I did very little and wasn't really expected too. The only time i was enjoying myself was in the pool with the oldest brother messing about jumping on lilos etc, and playing with the little one pushing him around in his inflatable boat.

I was drinking every day bar one where I stayed in bed most of the day. I don't think I said a lot the whole trip, but my mind would be racing over and over thinking what I should be saying, or asking myself why I'm not saying anything. There was one evening where I got a bit ranty but generally speaking nothing particularly bad happened. Too me though in my head the trip was disastrous, there was no animosity but I didn't talk to my parents for a few weeks after and also stopped going out on fridays because one of the guys knew I was going and I didn't want to have to talk about it. I'm not sure why it seems disastrous to me though. Am I just expecting too much of myself? I think I should have helped out with the food more but other than that I didn't really have any responsibilities. I just feel like I should be more enthusiastic about things, take the lead in some way, I just felt like a dead weight floating along. I'd love for those boys to look up to me etc but I just feel completely pathetic. I don't know perhaps its all to do with alcohol and "depression" and I'm just over thinking everything.

The biggest problem that I see here is GW is hyper self-conscious. He seldom simply acts, but he is constantly attempting to manage the narrative. How did I come off to X there? If I say A, will that make her say B or C? He is, without question, overthinking everything. A normal Delta would love to go on a vacation with his family and have no responsibilities for a change. But since GW has so few responsibilities, it's not a vacation for him, it's a reminder that he isn't a normal boy, which then makes him feel insecure, which then makes him obsess more about it, and so on into the downward spiral.

GW is, quite simply, jumping at shadows. He is so obsessed with himself that he cannot even realize that NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHAT HE DOES. I would remind him to recall how much he thought about what the guy who knew he was going on the trip was doing. That's exactly how much thought the guy gave to his trip.

Of course, lets face it, as afraid as he was that the guy might ask about the trip, GW would probably find a way to be offended if the guy didn't ask, then demand to know why the guy hadn't asked about it. This is how Gammas construct their own prisons.

So, here is my advice:

• Stop getting drunk. Three drinks max per day, no more.
• Get over yourself. Your self-obsession is destroying you. Try focusing on others instead of yourself. Don't tell them what to do, don't advise them, but ask them what they think, what they want, and ask if you can help them.
• Push yourself into your discomfort zone. Compete at a higher level. Ask out a prettier girl than you normally would. Realize that failing is nothing to fear.
• Always remember that other people care no more about your feelings and actions than you do about theirs. You are not the center of the universe. You are barely the pimple on the butt of the flea on the dog that is owned by someone who leaves very far out on the periphery of the universe, just like everyone else.

Read More

Alpha Mail: Diagnosis Gamma 2

Continued from Part 1:

Are You Gamma: Part 2

"You constantly throw out flippant remarks with the expectations they are always amusing, appropriate, and funny."

I do this a lot, it seems to be my main form of communication. Is it all about having a front, I don't really want people knowing who I am perhaps?

Ive also developed a tendency to stay "mad stuff". When I say mad I mean stuff your either not meant to say, its shocking or perceived to be shocking. The only purpose in saying it is to be shocking. Not sure whats happening there but I sometimes cringe the next day when I think about it. I did that last week about something. It tends to be with people who will laugh along whether its funny or not. If I suspect people will blank me or expose me I tend to just go quiet. I find people who I regard as "real men" intimidating, they are much less likely to find those things funny and I'm going to tend to feel cut out of conversations with them. They are what I'd think as "normal". I'm not sure exactly what "real men" and "normal" is but I know it when I see it. I think its to do with adulthood and maturity perhaps.

This, of course, confirms what we already knew. The Gamma's breezy, cheesy confidence is a massive false front. He is trying to impress people and establish a false impression, which often leads to attempting to control the narrative in order to prevent the falsity of that impression from being exposed.

The solution? Stop lying. First stop lying to yourself. Then stop lying to others. And quit being flippant. It's not clever, it's seldom funny, and it tends to be passive-aggressive:

This relates to the part of the list about competition, dealing with winning and losing. I've always played quite a lot of sport or competition although nothing athletic any more. One thing I've found playing pool is Ive found a level I'm winning at and rarely go any higher if it means my win rate will suffer. If I sense I haven't got an edge then I'll tend to move away from that or play that level the minimum amount of times.

I played in division 1 of regional league, till last year, and can compete reasonably well with lower level/B internationals if I'm playing well. I've had one particularly good run in a tournament at that sort of level but played very few. Given my ability I should probably be or have qualified for B international a few times over the years. The problem is competing at that level means I will definitely not feel in control, I'm up against players my own level or often better. The anxiety levels are much higher. In the tournament I did well in I struggled to eat or drink the whole day. When I did get beat I felt utter relief when I lost, all that anxiety gone, I joked to my friend at the time that you'll never see a guy with a bigger smile on his face after losing (more witty remarks?). This along with other experiences put me off playing at that level. Just didn't want to have to deal with those feelings/emotions.

The other thing is winning at pool makes me feel good but more importantly it can give me status in certain settings. Given I don't have it pretty much anywhere else in my life being "the guy who's good at pool" gives me some level of feeling of higher status. I can only get that at a lower level where those players look up to my game. Saying that I'd never play at a level where everybody is very bad I'm not sure why though but don't think it would feel like I'm "good". Need to beat people who at least think they are pretty good players to feel the sense of status I'm looking for. Objectively I am a "good" player, but being good and ending up with a 40% win/loss record feels worse to me than going a bit lower so it will be 60%+.

Had a bustup last year which is why Ive gone to another team in Div 2. It involved a guy who's about my level. A lot of people talk about frame and his seems to be very strong. I feel like guys like him can see straight through me. He was new to the team and perhaps over estimated how brittle I am given how I try to cultivate myself as the "drinker" "banter" "doesn't care" guy. He was just joking/ribbing with me, as well as going on a run of wins while we were practicing. I bottled this up a bit but it stung a lot, and I kept it in, getting ratty over that is pathetic so feeling that way must be kept in in my head. I got drunk later on and got ranty over who knows what. Think I stopped playing week after and wormed my way into another side at the club where I can play bad, scrape some wins, and still get legend status off the guys.

I'd rather play for Div 1 side and play in the tournaments but to do it I have to know how to manage those feelings/emotions so I don't end up blowing up and over reacting (over reacting doesn't have to be outward, can just be dropping out/bottoming out of things given little obvious signals to other people). I tend to avoid any situation where anxiety will increase to certain level, but in doing that I miss out on a lot. Its likely alcohol makes all this worse, however its become a huge social crutch to me, and my whole social life revolves around bar/pool/darts.

Being a big fish in a small pond is just another way of stating "fear of failure". What GW needs to do is STOP AVOIDING FAILURE. He needs to stop protecting his precious feelings at all times. My advice is for him to go into Division 1 and take his lumps. You have to learn how to lose before you can learn how to be a winner, which is different than merely winning.

When I was in high school, my private academy was in a strange situation athletically. Minnesota had a two-class sports classifications based on school size. We were single A in terms of our class size, competed in single A in most of our sports, but for some reason, we competed at the AA level against much bigger schools in a number of sports in which we were historically strong, which were soccer, tennis, skiing, and track. That was only with regards to the state tournaments in those sports, however, our conference competition all consisted of single A schools.

My senior year, I won the conference championship in the 100m and 200m. However, in the AA regional championship, we competed in the inner city region against schools like Minneapolis North, Minneapolis South, Minneapolis Roosevelt, and Minneapolis Henry, AA schools that featured mostly black teams. In the finals of both events, I was the only non-black sprinter and I finished 5th in the 100m and 3rd in the 200m, thereby missing out on state, as only the top two sprinters from each region went on to the tournament. (Guess which region usually won those two events?)

However, the single A "state champion" was a sprinter from my conference, a guy I'd beaten in every single race we'd run that year. I even ran him down from about five meters behind after a bad pass in the 4x100 relay, which was probably the best race I ever ran. So, a fair number of people subsequently asked me if I was upset about that, if I felt I should have been the "state champion" instead of him. But I never felt that way, because I always wanted to run against the best, and in fact, I ran my fastest high school times in both events in the regional races I did not win.

To be the best you can be, you have to go up against those who are better. And if you don't, the knowledge that you didn't will always eat away at your confidence and destroy any lasting pleasure you take in your lesser triumphs.

Read More

Alpha Mail: Diagnosis Gamma 1

Inspired by the Graduating Gamma series, one gamma we will call GW for the sake of privacy contacted me and asked me to share my thoughts on his situation in return for supporting our sponsors at Castalia House. I agreed to his suggestion and I have his permission to post this on the blog; this the first part of what he sent me:

I won't bother with too many personal details, maybe another time. I'm [early 40s], single, never married, no children, live on own, self-employed.

Not a complete train wreck, anyhow. He's leaving it a little late, but the raw material for self-improvement is there.

Are You Gamma: Part 1

This relates to the first 7 points. Having a tendency to need to be right about something, also being forceful with needing to be right about it by getting louder or more threatening in body language.

Example 1 - In public house getting drunk, was with father at time. Something came up to do with war and pacifism, that sort of area. The guy I spoke to was ex-army although I don't think front line sort of stuff. I'm not sure exactly how it went but I think I ended up berating him over something to do with pacifism and how it didn't make sense what he was saying. There was no reason for me to get wound up I think I just wanted to impose myself on him, being right maybe is just getting someone to back down or submit to me? My father was trying to get me to calm down with body language. The guy just walked off eventually. 

This ties in with something about my relationship with my father. Through adolescence he never came down hard on me, mother tended to have most of the control in that regard. Played darts with him from 16-18 and started drinking then. Would get very drunk, have blackouts and embarrass myself. While he would talk to me about it there wasn't anything that firm. Part of the problem maybe was I was quite polite and quiet when sober, and also slight in build. I think other people in the team/pub didn't say much out of respect for my father, I think I would have got hit a few times otherwise.

Two things I remember vividly about me and my father. One was probably a darts night, after drinking, where I must have been mouthing off to him. I think I was effectively belittling him, I remember he charged up the stairs and I was on bed and he had my arms down and was in my face, "is this what you want??!!" Thats the only time I ever remember him getting really angry with me. Maybe I needed him to stand up to me, was begging for it?

Was about 12/13. Boys down road (slightly younger than me) had knocked on door and run away so I went after them. As it turned out they had kicked ball over wall but it wasn't ours. I don't remember shouting but asking them why they ran away etc. Appears they told some porkies to their parents and made out I "pummeled" them . Given I was never within ten yards of them this seems unlikely! A hour or so later their father came up, my mother answered door. I'm not exactly sure what happened from there and whether the guy was getting aggressive or not but when my father came out as well my mother told him to go upstairs in the attic!! So he did. I think the guy just went and there was no trouble, presumably my mother was fearful of it escalating into fighting. Feel terrible thinking about that because it seems such a weak think to do. To go along with what my mother said and climb up the ladder into attic and leave her there.

His gammatude is hardly difficult to understand. His paternal role model was weak and his maternal influence was strong. He has a normal male inclination for conflict-resolution through violence, but it has been inhibited by his upbringing. So, it leaks out in bizarre and inappropriate emotional outbursts. He's basically looking for a beating, not because he is some sort of masochist, but because he's never been forcibly established in the social hierarchy, and he's now locked into a pattern of turning to drink to free himself from the social inhibitions that have been instilled in him.

And, like all struggles against inhibitions, when he temporarily breaks through them, he overdoes it.

Example 2 - Playing poker at end of night in pub with pool team mates, reasonably drunk. I'd been playing poker a bit online and was starting to play well enough to win regularly. Again I'm not sure exactly what occurred but it related to a particular hand where, to me, what they did was a sub-optimal play and they shouldn't be doing it. I may have been ribbed a bit for this which maybe stoked me up more. I then started a gradual rant which involved me challenging him to 20,000 hands as over that amount of hands I know I'd win (I'm not that good heads up so may have backfired). This quickly escalated. I said something else more personal not sure what, which got him wound up and it nearly came to blows although broke up swiftly.

This was caught on pub CCTV and I saw it the week after. People joked about it and so did the guy involved who didn't seem bothered and was more concerned whether I would move on from it. I'm guessing grudge holding is classic gamma behaviour. One thing that stuck with me was that I was more bothered that the CCTV showed me backing away. It would have wrecked me if they called me a bottler or something similar. My behaviour up to that point was less embarrassing than the thought of being exposed as a weakling or cowardly.

I think I used to rant a lot when at home. Lived there till about 32. I don't remember ever being challenged particularly.

This is textbook Gamma behavior.

1. Pick an unnecessary fight by inserting your opinion where it is neither requested nor wanted.
2. Try to resolve the conflict in your favor by flooding the situation with verbal diarrhea. Gammas are like salesmen who think as long as they are talking, the customer isn't walking. But this is a short-sighted tactic, as eventually, the talking is going to end, and the longer it goes on, the less it convinces the other party.
3. Back down when the conflict turns physical.
4. Hold a grudge.
5. Deny reality.

The fifth point can be seen in this line: "My behaviour up to that point was less embarrassing than the thought of being exposed as a weakling or cowardly." He WAS exposed as being a coward. He unnecessarily picked a fight, challenged another man, and when that challenge was met, backed down.

Here is my advice regarding the first part of his email.

1. Limit himself to three drinks per evening. If he finds himself overly tempted to order a fourth, call it an early night and go home.
2. Limit himself to no more than five sentences in a row without stopping and listening to the other person. The rants have to stop. They are immature and womanish.
3. Go and apologize to the other guy. Tell him: "I'm sorry I picked a fight with you the other day. At the very least, I should have given you the chance to kick my ass after I did it. Can I buy you a drink?" That's it. No excuses, no rationalizations, nothing else. Learn how Deltas handle conflict. Learn to submit. Because then, when it's over, it's bloody well over.

Read More

Winning, redefined

LR sends a very helpful email which helps demonstrate that the Gamma delusion is considerably worse than the average non-Gamma grasps:

Being somewhat Gamma myself, I recognized something in the course of reading your posts that may be of interest to you.

Gammas think they are Alphas.

It sounds insane, but it's true. A man who knows his place and sticks to that place is usually left to his own devices. Pay tribute to those above, demand tribute from those below, and if a man should disagree with either his own or your relative position in the hierarchy, then conflict will ensue to determine who is correct. It's a simple enough formula and it occurs frequently, if not daily, during the course of a man's life. Men tend to be very diligent about ensuring the proper order of things, but once that order is established, there is an element of stability. The victor may be magnanimous to the defeated. In turn, the loser is expected to acclimate himself to his new position.

Gammas introduce instability to this hierarchy. They refuse to accept their station, nor do they propose to increase it through deeds and experience. Like women, they come to expect a certain station in life and feel wronged when it is not provided for them. A common Gamma thought would be "why should he be the leader and get all the glory for himself?"

How many individuals come to your blog saying they are this or that? Maybe they claim they are half Sigma and half Beta or some such. But this is usually a Gamma thing. Those with high SMV don't need the validation of blog comments to determine their position in life. They know it, even if they lack the words to describe it. Even many with low SMV come to understand this.

Nor is this a new phenomenon. In the course of following the advice you have relayed to us, I have read The Meditations. While extremely helpful, and I would be remiss if I did not thank you and the original poster for it, I craved more. So I read Xenophon's Anabasis, and I recommend this to other Gammas also. It is instructive in matters of hierarchy. In that, it was clear that some of the soldiers were Gammas, talking behind the backs of their betters, plotting to gain power in the manner of women. One complained about the weight of his shield, and so Xenophon took it upon himself to carry the man's shield, and yet that man was angry with Xenophon for having done so. Very Gamma. And if they had achieved power, the army would have been annihilated. Indeed, whenever they grew restless and did things on their own, those men came to ruin.

Gammas think they are Alphas, but Alphas [and Betas, and Deltas, and Sigmas - VD] know that to let a Gamma have power is to court disaster. Perhaps that knowledge wove its way into instinct over the centuries, such that the hostility is now innate. The species wishes to preserve itself and Gammas are in the way of that. They should be beaten down until they acknowledge that they are the lowest of the low, even beneath the Omegas, for at least the Omega has opted out of the regular course of human affairs. At least the Omega knows his station.

I now know, having read Anabasis, that I am unfit for leadership. This is critical knowledge for any Gamma who wishes to improve his lot. I have at last acclimated myself to my station in life. Once you know your place in the hierarchy, you may endeavor to change it, to rise as a man as you gain knowledge, experience and skill. But you have a solid basis for knowing yourself, and that is good. Gammas must be broken, their notion of Alphahood expunged, their character, such that they possess, destroyed utterly. The survival of our civilization, like that of the 10,000, depends on this.

I found this hard to credit. I mean, what planet does the Gamma have to be orbiting to understand that his lack of popularity and female companionship means that his socio-sexual status is low?

I asked LR and he attempted to explain:

Willful blindness comes to mind, but that doesn't get at the root of the thing. Underneath the surface, the Gamma thinks himself a king, so anything that is preventing him from ascending his throne must somehow be unjust. Since the Alpha, in the course of his normal affairs, constitutes an obstacle to the Gamma's advancement, the Alpha must somehow be cheating the Gamma. It never crosses a Gamma's mind that he is no king, no superior being, since this has already been established as fact. Nor does the Gamma consider how the Alpha obtained his status. Since Gammas are prone to cheating their fellows, it is easy for him to suspect his opponent of the same behavior. Doubtless, thinks the Gamma, the leadership position was earned through subterfuge and oppression since that is how he would obtain it. This is why, even in the midst of intentional debasement, Gammas still possess that self-righteous smugness. Contrary to all wisdom, he believes he just demonstrated his status as a superior Alpha. He has exposed your game and dealt you a terrible blow, or so he thinks.

That's interesting, especially in light of the one Gamma of whom we know who did become a leader position of sorts, Mr. Gamma Rabbit himself, John Scalzi. He literally built his SF career on subterfuge (2 million monthly pageviews!) and oppression (the mallet of loving correction).

The Graduating Gamma author had a few thoughts on this as well:

Not all Gammas, but some absolutely think they are Alphas of some type and will redefine Alpha to suit their needs. Since they are never wrong = Alpha.

The majority of Gammas aren't this delusional though simply due to the fact that they can't reconcile being an Alpha with their mysterious lack of female companionship. It's too much for even a Gamma to deny. There are limits to the delusion for most. The real crazies are the ones which retreat to insisting that all women are being conned by dude-bros etc., which means they are the True Alpha and would be if everyone played fair or some other such fiction.

This explains some of the more bizarre notions I've come across from various individuals since first introducing the socio-sexual hierarchy. And it also explains why some Gamma males have resisted even the most obvious and observable aspects of the hierarchy so bitterly and have literally attempted to redefine Gammatude as winning.

"Gamma Rabbit likes people as they are, fears no one no matter how they live their lives, and is comfortable with himself and his own personal values of kindness, tolerance and diversity. Sure, there are some who look down on him and his ways, but you know what? Gamma Rabbit knows that those people are kooky, silly, wacky racist sexist homophobic dipshits, and aside from looking forward to the day when they might pull their heads out and join the rest of the human race, lets them alone to do their own thing. Because Gamma Rabbit has other, better people and things to think about."

Fantastic! What a masterfully inventive reframe of the entire human socio-sexual hierarchy. All so one Gamma male can continue to convince himself that he's on top.

Read More

How to impress a woman

Science again backs up the Theory of Game:

Chaps, if you want to impress a woman, don’t talk about work. An analysis of almost 1,000 speed dates, showed that females switched off when a prospective beau started chatting about his job. Much more successful, was allowing the woman to talk about herself. And, surprisingly, interrupting her....

Professor Jurafksy’s analysis also showed that women liked men who interrupted them. He said: ‘The men would interrupt a lot. We thought interruption would usually be a sign of taking the floor and of being rude but all of these interruptions were sympathetic interruptions.

‘They would stop someone and say “Oh, that exactly happened to me too”.

‘They were attentive listening-type interruptions. And women, in a date that clicked, showed signs of engagement. They varied their pitch a lot, they varied their loudness, they got louder and softer. So, on a good date, the woman was engaged and the man was attentive.’

However, women really didn’t like men who were hesitant, with time-buying phrases such as ‘kind of’ and ‘sort of’ interpreted as a sign of awkwardness. And they really didn’t like chit-chat about work.

Translation: women like alphas who don't talk much and interrupt when they have something to say. And they dislike Gammas who ramble on, are insecure and focused on themselves, and are eager to demonstrate their competence.

Read More

Don't. Be. That... Thing

And Gammas wonder why higher-status men despise them so deeply. Don't EVER feel bad about kicking a Gamma when he's down. If you do, kick him again by way of penance. It may be the only chance he gets to learn better.

Fortunately, most of these submen are doomed to be dead ends anyhow.

I had a fascinating encounter with a Gamma male yesterday. He was deeply concerned about the possibility that mildly insulting people would be counterproductive in a certain circumstance. When I criticized the notion, he reacted in an angry, over-the-top manner with a long response replete with serious insults that ended with a self-pitying posture of martyrdom. It was remarkable. It was HILARIOUS. As I subsequently observed on Twitter, a moderate is someone who would rather shoot at his allies than at his enemies.

Sans an understanding of the socio-sexual hierarchy, I might have responded in anger. Instead, I simply pointed out that criticism is not insult and that there was no need for any ritual online seppuku, so he blithely proceeded as if nothing had happened. Now, I happen to like this guy, so I was content to let it go, but it was downright textbook, and I remain in both awe and astonishment at the vast gulf between the way in which low-rank and high-rank men are inclined to handle conflict.

To the right, the complete opposite.

Read More

Graduating Gamma 3

Step 3: Emotional

The Gamma lives on an emotional roller coaster which goes from anxious repression to emotional outbursts which can accumulate into rage and then despair. A Gamma is effectively out of balance emotionally and which is why they are so obnoxious to people around them and especially to women.

I have a couple of ideas of why this is so, and my guess is that a Gamma was a boy who was just a little more emotionally sensitive and a bit smarter than the average boy, then experienced some combination of the following factors: a Gamma father or father figure, raised by women alone, bullied rather heavily, socially awkward and had trouble knowing how to act, overweight or possessed some other physical trait that made him overly self-conscious. I don’t think it is any one thing, but rather a combination of several influences and events beyond which slowly turns a boy who might have some tendencies towards being a Gamma into a full-blown Gamma in adulthood. If you suspect you are a Gamma you’ll probably find this list or events like this to be still painful in your memory. Take that same boy and surround him with strong, but patient men, and have him enter into a masculine profession or the military, and he’d probably turn out a Delta or a Delta with a few Gamma traits.

Swinging the pendulum

After a lifetime of Gamma reinforcement how does a man turn things around? I suggest for one month swinging the pendulum far in the opposite direction. Almost like an emotional detox, the Gamma needs to completely turn around for a time and get off the emotional roller coaster. I suggest one month of practicing the ancient philosophy of Stoicism. The first step is to get yourself a copy of Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations. My favorite version is by Everyman’s Library as the language has been updated, but it costs money, so there’s a free version here, and if you want a printed book they are easy to find used or are always at the local library. This is the place to start because it isn’t a philosophical abstract but instead a portrait of an Emperor and how he lives out the philosophy in his daily life. It’s also a damn good read.

As for a definition of Stoicism I’m going straight to the dictionary:
1. the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

From dictionary.com:
A philosophy that flourished in ancient Greece and Rome. Stoics believed that people should strictly restrain their emotions in order to attain happiness and wisdom; hence, they refused to demonstrate either joy or sorrow.

You can read more about it on Wikipedia, but for our purposes the above are sufficient. I’m sure there’s someone out there who will take umbrage with this definition and can’t wait to spam the comments with a debate about the true definition of Stoicism and their “oh so interesting” knowledge about Stoicism. Don’t do it because it doesn’t matter here and you will be missing the point. I don’t bring up Stoicism to debate its meaning or to claim it has superiority over all other philosophies or other such irrelevant topics, only that it can be a useful tool to help one graduate from Gamma.


Practical Application

1. Drop all snarky, flippant, and silly comments and voices about people and things. Its fine to tell an actually joke, but stop trying to be cute and funny all of the damn time. Witty remarks are useful, but you need to take a break for a bit.
2. This month drop all online forum debates, especially when you are really emotionally invested. Go silent in your profiles unless it’s reassuring a community you are OK, ONLY if they ask.
3. Stay away from social media unless you have to get on it for a specific reason. Social media is a hotbed of emotional flame wars.
4. When in groups of friends and families and a hot-button topic comes up in which you’d typically dive into (and of course wow the ladies with your stellar command of minutia!) keep your mouth shut and simply watch and listen to the participants instead.
5. Stop watching any and all reality TV shows in which there’s a lot of screaming and emotional manipulation going on to get a rise out of the audience.
6. Stay away from news stories which you know act as a trigger for you to instantly get upset about.
7. Try to schedule some time, even if it’s just most of a single day to go somewhere solitary and quiet in the outdoors. When there make an effort to quiet your mind, drop the internal debates about politics, religion, etc., going on in there and instead focus on good things in life that you’ve been blessed with. This can be done multiple times if needed.
8. If you have a wife or girlfriend don’t be baited by the typical arguments you two have this month, and be aware of what you say before you say it if things get heated. Instead show them love as it covers a multitude of sins, and patience as you realize you have probably been just as guilty as them in emotional manipulation.
9. Kindly tell your female friends (especially that one you really want to date) to unburden their emotions on someone else. Don’t be rude, but be firm.
10. If someone emotionally vomits all over you, tries to get an emotional rise out of you, engage you in a rhetorical argument, or tells stupid and silly jokes, simply grunt in reply. I’m serious here, grunt. Don’t get baited in; don’t tell them all about how you are now a quiet Stoic. The responses you get from this will be eye opening to say the least, and are sometimes quite funny. Just be sure to keep a straight face. Please practice your grunt now.

Staying Put, Continuing On, or Seeking Help

Hopefully after one month you will have a substantial increase in clarity of thought, emotional balance and most importantly become more aware of your emotional triggers. You should be able to start controlling your actions when you become emotional. You cannot control the fact that you have emotions, but you can limit exposure to situations in which you know you will become extremely emotional, and you can work on always controlling your actions regardless of how you feel at the moment.

If after one month you feel you need to continue in stoicism and introspection then go ahead and do it for up to six months. Sometimes you need a reset to get yourself out of a behavioral pattern. Vox has said more than once that he got to a point in his life where he finally stopped doing much of anything but martial arts training for six months.  I stopped trying to date, and concentrated on working out and just thinking about life for several months before I got back into it and found success. Sometimes a man just has to step back for a while and re-evaluate his life in order to improve his actions. It can take time.

On the other hand, if after a time of introspection you find that you are becoming more upset, emotional, depressed, or even suicidal, then please seek professional help. Sometimes the shock of leaving trying to leave Gammahood, especially if there has been childhood abuse, can be overwhelming for a man, and in that case he will need more that just a good friend and introspection. It's not a statistical quirk that causes suicide rates for men to be higher than for women and you need to take care of yourself.

Leaving Stoicism

I think Stoicism is one of the greatest philosophies of Man, and it can be especially helpful for men when they get out of balance, but the point to this post isn’t to create philosophers or hermits. I don’t think that repressing joy in vain hopes of philosophical happiness is a good idea. A man should be able to have a good belly laugh with his friends, be of cheerful spirit, and show deep love and affection for his children and wife. Don’t think at a funeral of a friend or family member you can’t cry, even Jesus wept at the grave of his friend. Stoicism is a tool, not a straightjacket to use to turn you into Spock. After practicing it this month, take the positive elements from it and work them into your life. Wouldn’t you like to be known as the guy who is cool under pressure? The man in the extended family who can be relied upon to be sober-minded and reliable when there’s an emergency? An employee or businessman known to be fair and evenhanded even when chaos swirls around him?

The anti-Gamma conclusion on Emotional aspect of life: You can’t stop yourself from having emotions, but you can control your actions in response to them.

Read More

Alpha Mail: Extreme Gamma

FC asks if there is anything she can do about her middle-aged Gamma brother:

I'm enjoying the gamma posts. They explain a lot of behaviors I'd noticed without being able to put them into a coherent frame. I really liked the parenting advice today. It sounds like solid generic parenting advice since all kids indulge in that behavior to some extent. The points concerning the need to be right even to the point of turning a petty matter into a full blown argument  or social embarrassment sound very familiar.  I'm curious how you would deal with a gamma-type in your immediate family who has no apparent inclination to change.

My brother has a very pernicious habit of asking for advice on his life which clearly reflects a fear of changing, being wrong, and taking real risks. He lives with my parents, is in his 40’s, and has never had a girlfriend. He asks for advice about "his problems", and then picks apart your opinions on his circumstances, tells you all about why your advice won't work for him, and why your opinion is wrong. This especially seems to happen while we are having drinks or just watching a movie, generally having a light, good time.  It basically pisses all over the evening.

This is a particular thorn in the side for me because I'm aware I’m needy. I instinctively want to fix people. I feel pained for him and his missed life. It's a conversational bait and switch that caught me for years but now that I recognize it, I don't know how to respond to it because a large part of me would like there to be some response that would wake him up. Engaging him on this topic at all just seems to feed into his sense of rightness. Is there any way I could shut down these types of behaviors and still try to nudge him in a better direction? Or maybe I just need to accept I'm not equipped to do that?

This sounds more like an Omega than a Gamma in some ways, but the attitude she describes is pure Gamma. However, it seems to be very hard for some people, especially women, to accept that not only is it beyond their ability to change another adult, it is neither their responsibility nor their right. FC's brother is content with his life as it is. It may not be what he ideally wanted, he may not be all that he thought he could be, but obviously he is content with it. If he wasn't, he would do something about it and he would be grateful and heedful of advice concerning how to change it.

What he is doing when he asks for advice about his life is simply making himself the center of attention. He doesn't want the advice, he has no intention of changing anything, he just wants everyone to talk about him. FC can either oblige him or she can reject his attention-seeking, but regardless, she needs to stop taking his pretensions seriously. Of course he talks about "his problems", what else does he have to talk about? His property taxes, his kids, or his wife? He doesn't have them!

FC also needs to stop feeling pain for him and his "missed life". He hasn't missed anything he really wanted. He is leading the life he has chosen. God has granted him that privilege and FC needs to do so as well. The man is in his 40s. He's not going to change now. The time to intervene was when he was 9, not more than three decades later. He has constructed his Gamma delusion bubble, now let him live in it in peace. No one is equipped to change a man so strongly rooted in his ways; even if her parents threw him out of the house tomorrow it is unlikely he would modify his attitudes in the slightest.

My practical advice would be to stop offering him advice and to simply offer sympathy if she is in the mood to put up with his narcissistic preening, and to tell him that she's not interested in hearing the same old song and dance if she is not.

Read More

Alpha Mail: raising Gamma

Boys Mom in a Girls World is rightly concerned about her son:

My husband and I both enjoy reading your blog, having been drawn in by the economics and intrigued by the sociohierarchy stuff.  We have four boys and we're doing our best to raise them as the upper betas our demographic knows and loves  (conservative homeschooling Christians).   Our oldest, 9, is a total born and bred gamma though.  Extremely social, conscientious, has to be right, extremely defensive, runs in a fight and then justifies it later.  Nothing is ever his fault (something else he loves to discuss in great detail).  He's scared of literally everything. My husband is more the Ron Swanson-type, so neither of us know how to parent this child (who it probably won't surprise you to hear is diagnosed ADHD, and has a slightly autistic looking IQ score...unevenly high and low in different areas).

Any suggestions for helping pre-gammas to develop into something other than full blown adult gamma?  He hates team sports but does well in parkour and is otherwise your typical boy.

He's currently cowering in the corner because he thinks he might have seen a bee, which is what prompted this email. 

All right, that last bit made me laugh. I have to admit, I have no idea what the Ron Swanson-type might be, but given the female contempt for gamma all but dripping from this email, I think it is safe to say that what we have here is a nature-inclined gamma-in-the-making rather than a nurture-bred one. A few suggestions:

• Always force him to admit that he was wrong when he was wrong. Make him say the words. "I was wrong." Make him explain to you why it was his fault and make him say the words. "It was my fault because X, Y, and Z." Every time he tries to rationalize away his being at fault, refuse to accept it and dissect his excuses. Essentially, refuse to let him construct his delusion bubble.
• Call him on his revisionist histories. Every time he tries to slide one by, point out what actually happened. Force him to admit that the correct version is what actually happened.
• Don't shame his cowardice. Instead, praise the courage of his brothers and say nothing about him. When he does take baby steps in that direction, praise them.
• Don't force him into team sports, but have your husband work with him to determine if he's naturally gifted at any of them. Then slowly bring him around by having him play with one or two of the boys on the local team and point out how much they need him, how much they could use him. Obviously, if he's not good at anything, don't push him into it.
• See if there are solo sports you can get him to try, the more aggressive the better. Perhaps there are competitive parkour races?
• Have his father teach him how to fight. If his father doesn't really know, perhaps some father-son MMA classes would be a good idea. And make sure that you let him know that it is okay for him to fight and defend himself, that no matter what the school says, you'll back him up and he won't be in any trouble as long as he wasn't being a bully.
• Every now and then, let him pick and argument, then brutally vivisect his argument and show him that he's not even capable of operating on the same level. Smart kids, especially boys, need to be intellectually beaten down from time to time in order to develop intellectual humility. Be harsh, the object is to break his pride and it won't be broken easily, particularly if he's prone to historical revisionism. Multiple repetitions will likely be necessary before the lesson sticks.
• Use his social consciousness as a lever. Don't appeal to his self-respect or his honor, appeal to what other people will think of him.

Read More

Alpha Mail: question and answer

Peter wants to graduate from Gamma male:

Now that i am calm, i really need a starting point. At this point i don't care how painful it is. I just need to know what needs to be done no matter what, so i won't feel so lost. Where i should start, what should i study, what i should start doing, what must i gradually change etc etc. Those are the question i am asking here. You could say that i am asking for guidance here.

1. Stop lying to yourself. Learn to catch when you are revising history and editing reality in order to make it more acceptable to yourself.
2. Stop lying to others. Stop spinning every story to make yourself look better. Stop exaggerating your accomplishments and minimizing your mistakes.
3. Stop the drama. Don't go overboard. Whether it is good or whether it is bad, tell yourself: "this is no big deal" and "this, too, shall pass."
4. Start working out and lifting weights. Start getting your body accustomed to the endorphin release. Within three months, you'll start craving it the way you now crave sugar and carbohydrates.
5. Don't run from confrontation. Fight or submit. That's what men do.

Jack Amok, meanwhile, relates a confrontation between an Alpha and a Gamma:

Saw an interesting ALPHA-GAMMA exchange at work today. The Gamma disagreed with the Alpha's approach to a problem, and the Alpha responded to the technical details of the Gamma's objections. They went back and forth a bit, and at this point, you could have agreed with either side (it was a problem where each solution had its strengths and weaknesses). But the Gamma apparently couldn't tolerate the disagreement and after a couple of minutes suddenly made a personal attack against the Alpha. He basically said "I don't understand how you can be so incompetent as to disagree with me" and then proceeded to talk over the Alpha's response.

The Alpha perceived a challenge to his position (or at least an unacceptable level of disrespect) and suddenly his voice and demeanor took on massive edge. He is also a huge dude. Looks like an NFL lineman. It was really a rapid change, light-switch getting flipped sort of thing. The Gamma logged off his computer and immediately went home for the day, even though it was only mid-afternoon. He was literally unable to continue working after a confrontation which he himself had provoked.

Notice the various elements of the socio-sexual hierarchy at work:

• Alpha: doesn't mind straightforward conflict, will not tolerate disrespect, is comfortable with direct and physical conflict. The political is not personal.
• Gamma: can't tolerate disagreement or criticism, bitchy, cowardly, puts himself in situations he is not equipped to handle. The political is personal, the technical is personal, everything is personal. Runs from direct confrontation.

Now, what sort of man would you rather be? And observe the Gamma is totally unprepared for his disrespect to meet with a dominant response. Unlike an Alpha, he doesn't fight, unlike a Beta or Delta, he doesn't submit. He flees.

The Sigma, of course, doesn't get into that situation in the first place because he neither knows nor cares about the Alpha's problem, let alone his approach to solving it.

Read More