Attraction is not value

Dr. Helen finds it hard to believe that men aren't attracted to female intelligence or academic credentials:

Just Four Guys has an interesting post up on “Why Women Fail with Men.” The advice basically boils down to: “Be nice. Be pretty. Don’t get fat. Be available.” The author also says: And for the eleventy billionth time: Men are NOT attracted to your job, your salary, your credentials, your professional achievements, or your accomplishments. Burnishing your curriculum vitae will not help you one iota in finding a man for a lasting relationship. Adding initials after your name denoting advanced degrees or certifications will not help you one iota in finding a man for a lasting relationship.

Okay, some of these points make sense but I have to disagree with a few of them, particularly the latter. I think that it depends on what you are looking for in a relationship. If you are a smart, successful women with lots of credentials, there are men out there who like that and actively seek smart women. What men don’t like is a phony who uses her credentials to look important. I think if a woman is smart and successful but down to earth and “real,” there are plenty of men who like those qualities, credentials included.

What do you think?

I think Dr. Helen is wrong. I think it is entirely natural that an intelligent woman with a PhD who is an accomplished writer in a happy and successful marriage finds it very difficult to believe that her husband isn't primarily attracted to what she quite reasonably considers some of her more impressive characteristics. But correlation, as we are so often reminded, is not causation.

The key is to look at the word "attracted". While a man may value a woman's intelligence, while he may value her accomplishments, he is not attracted to them. No man wants to fuck a diploma. It all starts with attraction, physical attraction, birds and bees, tight butts and firm breasts.

Here is the question Dr. Helen and other smart, accomplished women might do well to consider asking themselves. "If I didn't have my intelligence and I didn't have my accomplishments, would my husband be any less sexually attracted to me?" If the answer is no, well, then it should be obvious that while those things may be valued for themselves, they are not the attracting factors. The husbands might value those various attributes and accomplishments, but such things are the icing, not the cake.

I, personally, see high intelligence and academic credentials as an actual disattracting factor. Not all men agree with me, but I am hardly alone. I strongly prefer agreeability and a pleasant personality, and those things tend to be somewhat rare among the well-educated cognitive elite.

Posted in: Rules of Attraction