Alpha Mail: don't fear the flirts

JF is overly concerned about what women think:

Had a question that I’m somewhat struggling with.  I’m by nature, personality wise, a delta, but because I’m tall, built and fairly good looking probably fall more into the beta range on your scale.  First of all I’m a follower of Jesus, and second I’m very happily married, so I have no interest in flirting with women.  However, I work in a female heavy environment and am trying to figure out how to assert more dominance/influence without being flirty.  It is not unusual to have women lock eye contact with me, and I get uncomfortable for two reasons.  One being, I’m naturally a delta, and the other is that I don’t want to be seen as a flirt.  How do I handle eye contact like this without looking weak?  Right now I just end up looking away, which seems lame.  Same applies outside of the office also, for instance just a few minutes ago an attractive woman lock eye contact with me at the coffee shop for probably five secs and I finally looked away because obviously I don’t want to give any false impression. 

I have to say this for the man, he has properly identified his socio-sexual mindset and that is always encouraging. Most men tend to get very uncomfortable when women hold eye contact. And men who are not dominant often tend to worry excessively about how their behavior is interpreted.

Fortunately, the answer is very simple. First, don't worry about how your actions are viewed by others. You know your intentions better than they do. Remember, women are capable of assigning whatever interpretation they want to any action; does anyone think that an omega who holds eye contact with a woman is going to give her the false impression that he's flirting with her? And attention whores regularly make ludicrous claims about men being interested in them, wanting to marry them, and so forth.

My advice to JF is to stop thinking about the subject, stop caring what these women may happen to think, and if a woman locks eyes with him, to smile, snort, shake his head and turn away. It's a dismissal, and a dismissal when a woman is (potentially) expressing interest is both dominant and non-flirtatious.

While being dominant will tend to increase female interest, women are not social masochists and they are unlikely to pursue married man who manifestly shows negative interest in them. There are few things that women fear more than public humiliation, after all. The one potential problem is the psychos who will attempt to engage him in a conversation nominally meant to clarify that they are not at all interested in him, not even a little bit, which is why it is necessary for them to spend every opportunity convincing him that he was wrong to reject her out of hand.

But the main thing is to stop concerning oneself with the possibility that one's actions will be misconstrued. Maybe they will be misconstrued. So what? Do you worry when your dog wrongly thinks you're about to feed him? In like manner, why would you be even remotely concerned that a coworker might fail to grok your essence in its entirety?

Posted in: Delta