The desexualized church

Deti of JustFourGuys warns Christian men of some of the perils that may await the man who looks for a Christian wife at church:

–The “Desexualized Zone”.    Women increasingly expect churches and church functions to be places of freedom from “unwanted” interactions. Translated, this means women expect unattractive men to know their place and not to ask women out or otherwise talk to them at church.  They expect men either to avoid them completely, or to be eunuchs, existing to serve them.  There have been reports in the manosphere of women actually complaining to pastors about “unattractive” men asking them out at church. It is as if women expect pastors and church staff to punish and rebuke men for “sexual harassment” at churches, merely because in a social situation they acted like men and pursued someone/something they wanted.   Of course, none of this applies to attractive men, who are never the subject of complaint or sanction no matter what they do.

–“Reformed” sluts.    (Not to be confused with actual, genuine reformed sluts, who really are trying to improve their lives.  This concerns the faux reformed.)   Every church has these as well.   These are women in their late 20 and early 30s with decent jobs and colorful pasts.  All have had multiple sex partners.  Most have never been married and have no children. Most show up at church, or are returning to church, after a parade of alpha sex partners, an abortion, contracting a sexual disease, a bad breakup with a long term boyfriend or fiancé; or occasionally after a brief failed first marriage.   She’s had her “come to Jesus” moment, she sees “the error of her ways”, she’s “tired of the games and the playas”, and she “wants to do it the right way this time”.  

Characteristics of a “reformed” slut:

1.   Speaks fluent Christianese.
2.   Extremely defensive about her past.
3.   Refers to her past as a series of “mistakes”.
4.   Has at least one alpha relationship in her past.
5.   Excuses, explains, justifies and defends her past.
6.   Quick to defend sluts.
7.   Actively looking for a husband, and enlisting the help of anyone and everyone she can find in this task.
8.   Her taste in men has markedly changed.  She used to like motorcycle riders and investment bankers.   Now she’s decided she really, really likes nerdy accountants and guys who sing in church choirs.

When Mark Driscoll and other pastors talk about “great” women in their churches who are over 30 and who really want to get married, these are the women they’re talking about.   These women are using church as a desperate last resort to find a husband.   Pastors and other women tout the “reformed” sluts as prime marriage material.   It’s done as a well-intentioned gesture to get these women married off.  It’s treacherous for men because too many of those marriages are destined for failure or sexless misery. 

I have to defer to Deti on this one, since I have literally never met a woman I dated at church. As an alternative strategy, I once suggested this:

1. Meet a woman at a bar or night club
2. Ask her if she's interested in attending church with you

One of my brothers took that advice a bit too literally. My thought was that he could ask a woman if she was up for attending church after going out with her a few times. My idiot brother instead walked up to a girl he didn't know in a nightclub and asked her if she wanted to go to church with him. She said yes, less because she was interested in church than the fact that he is extremely handsome.

But hey, it worked. And the punchline? They're still married.

Posted in: Advice