RC tries to lock down a Tinder hookup:
I've found your insights and commentaries on so many issues so illuminating that I'm writing you for your opinion on what to do in this situation. I've suffered from massive beta backslide and I feel like I did when I was in my early 20s (I'm 33 now).Yes. Stop being such a bloody Delta and start being honest with yourself. You were on Tinder to find sluts. You found one. You nailed her. Now you're all butt-hurt because she's still a slut and she's doing what sluts do, which is look for her next sexual fix.
I hope you get a chance to read this and give me your very valuable to me 2 cents on how to take care of this situation... or end it in a nuclear way:
Met X on Tuesday in October through Tinder. Met briefly for 1 drink... there was a lot of chemistry so we set up a date for Friday... then she went to a concert and I went to bang a chick I hook up with every once in a while.
Friday I pick X up, take her to two places, heavy kissing, then I suggest going back to her place. We get naked on her bed and she tells me to stop and kicks me out of her place at the last second.
Saturday we meet briefly at a cook off by my place. She's with a girlfriend of hers and her friend says that I'm a great guy, etc... Then X leaves to a housewarming party, I'm not invited. I go home.
Sunday morning we had brunch and then sex at my place and then hung out all day at festivals.
This went on fine for a few days until one time I saw that she kept getting calls and messages from other Tinder guys and other regular text messages. I told her I had zero tolerance for other people contacting her with romantic intentions and she said that we were never clear about being exclusive. She said let's continue seeing each other so I made it a point to spend every mutually free moment together... even going to the gym together. My plan was to make her dependent on my presence so that when I travel (and I travel a lot) she would miss me and not fool around or accept any advances.
Well, I'm traveling now have been away for a week. I get back in 6 days (NOV 30). At one point, she had given me her work computer sign-in password, which lo and behold turned out to be her gmail password.
Well, my morbid curiosity took hold and I went through her emails and search history. Nothing out of the ordinary, except last night I saw that she emailed herself from her phone a picture of a guy. I immediately emailed her telling her that I was in the beach and that there was a only a crappy internet cafe there and that I missed her and all that beta shit and that I had the computer for an hour and I'd come back to check to see if she'd written. After 45 mins she wrote me... then sent that guy his own picture... then she wrote me a little more.
This morning, I check her email and she had made a folder with his name and my emails are gone.
Obviously, I have to break up with her. What kills me is that she has 5 days to finish it with me first. We are supposed to go to a party the same day I land. Obviously that's not going to happen.
What's the best way to finish all of this?
This is a girl that works in my industry, which I'm also in. I don't exactly want her as an enemy and I can't write off any bitterness to a break up because not many people knew we were dating.
I was planning on not writing her until I hear back from her, obviously. But once I get back to CITY Y, I wanted to show up to her place and tell her that I felt that she didn't miss me as much as she claims to miss me and that quite frankly I didn't miss her as much as I thought I would. But I want to do something that stings... I'd like to tell her that I saw us being together for a long time or something, since I know she wants to sooner or later. As a matter of fact, I always came inside her, but she always went for the Plan B morning after pill, so I don't know if she was that interested in keeping me around through those means.
Can you give me some advice about this?
This is a simple case of category error. Sluts are for sex. They are riding the carousel and they don't want to get off. They're sex toys, they're not real girls, from the relationship perspective.
It's apparent that Y has a higher SMV than RC does, which is why RC wants to turn Pinochiette into a real girl and she has no intention of letting him do so. This is a big mistake and a modified form of oneitis. It's also why so many men marry the wrong woman; they don't propose because they are in love or due to mutual compatibility, but because they think she is the hottest woman they will ever get.
If you feel the need to spy on a woman or make her dependent upon your presence so that she won't cheat on you, then she's not a woman you should consider for a relationship. The urge to spy is your subconscious telling you that she can't be trusted. If she doesn't behave in a way that permits you to continue the relationship without spying, you should either next her or maintain a non-exclusive status.
In this case, the best thing for RC to do is to simply stop communicating with her and move on. If she comes sniffing around wondering why he's not paying the expected attention to her, he should just tell her he heard she was involved with another guy now and he's not interested in her anymore. He should not, under any circumstances, tell her that he was logging into her email account. He should let her hamster spin with regards to how he knows.
And if RC wants a serious and committed relationship, he needs to rethink his current approach to women. If one wants quality food, one goes to a decent restaurant, not the bowling alley. So, if RC wants a wife, or even just a proper girlfriend, how does it make any sense for him to go looking for one on Tinder?
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