Alpha Mail: cracks in the marriage

TO wonders what to do about a marriage that appears to be breaking down:

You gave me good advice 4yrs ago so I am writing again. I am having major problems with my wife due to the drop in my SMV. I went from owning a commodity firm to being in nursing school while my wife works paying the bills. She now constantly talks about divorce and how she hates where she lives and wants to move back to NY. An additional factor is she hasn't found a church she is 100% comfortable with. It is only my strong frame and the fact I keep the firm open on the side giving her hope has keep us together these past few months. My other concern is I have to spend a lot of energy gaming her and end up reading games sites at 2am when I need to be studying.

To complicate matters when we first got married she was violent and ended up seeing a shrink. She is better now, but she really damaged the emotional connection we have and I worry she will revert to previous behaviors in times of stress.

The plan was for her to homeschool our kids so when I graduate she would be quitting her job and hopefully all would return to normal SMV wise. Of course I am also christian and don't believe in divorce. On the other hand if I fail out due to all the drama she will be gone anyway plus my SMV could be damaged severely.  In addition there  are plenty of 18-22yr olds (less pretty, but better SMV ratio) who have expressed interest in me at school. My wife is 27 and I am 30 (look 25). I graduate in May 2015. Any advice would be appreciated, really feel like starting over at this point.

My advice is as follows:

• Get your act together and graduate on time.
• Get off the Internet in the evening. You're hiding from her. If you're not studying, you should be engaging her in one form or another.
• The next time she brings up either divorce or New York, tell her to knock it off. She made her choices, this is the life she is living, and that's that. This isn't a game with some sort of reset button.
• Stop flirting with your fellow students. You've made your choices too. Live your life, stop fantasizing about a do-over.

The problem is the reduction of his SMV due to his loss of income and status. He has to get over his understandable feelings of betrayal; her lack of attraction to him and confidence in him is no more surprising under the circumstances than his would be if she suddenly gained 30 pounds.

It was a dumb idea to think that he could live off her job for a while, as women always want to leave whenever they find themselves forced to act as the breadwinner. So, the answer is easy. Focus like a laser on increasing income and status, become the breadwinner, and most of the problems will resolve themselves, so long as new ones aren't introduced in the meantime.

Posted in: Alpha Mail,Marriage