The possessive difference

Rollo explains why "mate-guarding" is an ineffective behavior that is indicative of BETA status:

Back in his earlier work Roissy had an interesting post about the behavioral manifestations displayed between Alpha men and Beta men. Really he likened the behaviors to more animalistic tendencies, but whether or not you acknowledge similar behaviors in people, the reasoning behind these actions make a lot of sense. Alpha men are slow to respond to sudden stimuli (such as loud noises or boisterous taunts) because they are so unused to any significant challenge – in other words, they’re not jumpy Betas used to opting for flight instead of fight. Their posture and body language convey confidence, but only because this Alpha posture is behaviorally associated with what Alphas do.

This is an important dynamic to understand when we consider possessiveness. A man with an Alpha disposition would be less possessive, and therefore display an indifference to possessing any particular woman due to his condition of (relative) sexual abundance. Possessiveness, or certainly an overly pronounced manifestation of possessiveness is the behavior of a Beta unused to sexual abundance and more likely accustomed sexual rejection.

It’s important to bear in mind that possessiveness is conveyed in a set of behaviors, attitudes and beliefs communicated in many ways. It’s not that possessiveness necessarily makes a man unattractive to a woman; on the contrary, it’s almost a universal female fantasy to be possessed by a so deserving and desirably dominant Alpha Man. It’s a visceral endorsement of the status of a woman’s superior desirability among her peers to be the object of such an Alpha Man’s possession; but likewise this is so common a (romance novel) feminine fantasy because of Alpha Men’s general indifference to possessiveness that makes it so tempting for women.

When self-deprecating, undeserving Beta men overtly display possessiveness, women read the behavior for what it is. Beta possessiveness is almost universally a death sentence (often literally) for an LTR. Nothing demonstrates lower value and confirms a lack of hypergamous suitability for a woman than a Beta preoccupied to the brink of obsession with controlling her behaviors. This isn’t to discount the very real reasons an Alpha or a Beta might have concern for a woman’s behaviors, it’s that his own possessiveness conveys a lack of confidence in himself.

I've never seen any point in acting possessive. Now, it's one thing to investigate appropriately when a woman is acting squirrely, in a suspicious manner that indicates that she may have been up to something that she shouldn't. That is right and necessary action preparatory to a nexting; for example, when I was single I cut all contact with different women for things as minor as cancelling plans, inviting strange men to a party she was hosting, or simply taking a phone call from a male "friend" late at night.

I never bothered explaining myself to them. Was I insecure or jealous? Not at all. There were a plethora of women to whom I was attracted at the time and my reasoning was that if a woman couldn't decide between me and another guy, well, he was welcome to her. I'd rather spend my time with women who had a distinct preference for me.

Now, this is not an appropriate attitude for a married man, or rather, it is a too-extreme attitude. But, as Rollo properly observes, possessiveness is merely the opposite of the abundance mentality. It is an indication that you believe that you do not merit your current wife or girlfriend. And, as those who understand Game will recognize, this is not the path to a successful long-term relationship, much less a marriage.

I trust my wife. I certainly don't want her to blow up our life together. But the fact is that if she wants to, there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. And the converse is true as well. She can't do anything about my actions either. I'm not revealing any intimate secrets here, as this is true of every single marriage and romantic relationship on the planet. Human beings have ZERO control over the actions of another human being. Marriage is all about voluntarily coming together and mutually deciding to stay together. Every single day. It is a commitment, but it is also a daily choice.

And in the event a woman fails to make that choice one day, the consolation prizes aren't so bad. As one of my friends discovered, while being frivorced out of the blue was initially devastating, spending his subsequent evenings in the company of various young women who are barely out of college was hardly the equivalent of a circle of Hell. Is it the life he chose? No. Is it the life he wanted? Not at all. But it's the life his ex-wife chose for him and he's having rather a good time making the best of it.

That's the abundance mentality. That's the "life is beautiful" mentality. That is the ALPHA mentality. As philosophers from Sextus Empiricus to Roosh will tell you, don't shed a single tear.

Posted in: Alpha