Be yourself

A light bulb goes off for a commenter at Rollo's place:

I think I get it!

For years I have been bitter about this need to “perform” about how this shows that women do not love us as we love etc.. And just now I was reviewing my old relationships and I recalled something.

In each of my relationships, prior to meeting the women I eventually fell in love with, I was constantly working on myself, I would get in shape, hang out with friends, explore my environment and work on myself and my music etc. As soon as I would “fall in love” I would slowly drop those activities, I’d focus on being a good bf, I would focus on providing and “being what she wanted” what I thought she wanted, better said.

But here is my Eureka moment, what I recalled each time was being unhappy, what I recall each time was feeling boxed in and kind of dull.. of feeling trapped.

Is this what Rollo means when he says our response to women is a conditioning, and that the sadness we get from Red Pill truth is the result of behaving and believing something that is not really our nature, but the result of having someone else’s behaviors and beliefs installed into us?

So I think I finally understand it for myself… the talk of putting yourself first, of “performing” etc is really just a way of saying “you don’t have to do what people say you’re supposed to do in a relationship – you don’t have to drop everything for her, you don’t have to stop doing what you like and love and you don’t have to kiss her ass”

Be the man that attracted her in the first place, not the mythical man you think she might be idealizing. Every time I get away from who I am and what I do, not only do I end up feeling out of sorts and discontented, but usually things don't go as smoothly in my family life.

A marital relationship with a woman should be a capstone on your self-determined identity forged over the years, not a complete transformation of your being. The more you attempt to turn yourself into some sort of nebulous Husband or Father figure, the less you will be yourself. And you are precisely what she was drawn to in the first place! So focus on being that guy, not some figment of your interpretation of her imagination.

"Be yourself" is terrible advice for men who are failing to attract women. But it is very good advice for men who have proven themselves to be attractive to women.

Posted in: Marriage